how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

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Re: how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

Post by Helena » Fri May 18, 2018 1:25 pm

Wow - I just read this all today and was kind of expecting it to be light hearted in the beginning - Im actually moved to tears now.

Hobbit I totally understand what you mean in your post - my brother passed away very recently - he was very ill and the last few weeks were horrendous, but among all that were beautiful moments when we talked about when we were small and he told me he loved me. That said, I had the guilt like you talk about, as I wanted with all my being to hear that it was over - because he was suffering so much - then feeling guilt because I thought that.

Dean - what you said about your mum was very poingnant and I had never thought of it before.

As you get older you lose more people, it doesn't get any easier, but I have to say I just cannot imagine what it would be like to lose a child - the natural way of things is to lose your parents, grieve for them, then as you get older perhaps your siblings, but its not supposed to happen that its your child. xx

Just want to say thank you to everyone for the lovely honest posts!

Re: how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

Post by Dean » Fri May 18, 2018 12:59 pm

Guest wrote:
Dean wrote:
Rockstar wrote:
Dean wrote:
Dimples wrote:What a lot of very astute and very moving posts here. :smilin:

The pain of losing your parents is hell. However, that pain is put into perspective when you hear about people who have endured a lifetime of the pain of not being given the love of their parents.

Love your parents to bits when they are still here... but cherish the memories of them always, after they are gone - because some people are not so lucky.


My Mom said to me recently that although it’s me that lost a child, she feels even worse knowing she can’t do anything to stop any pain I feel. It’s a difficult thing for me to express properly, but I’d never thought about it from like that her point of view. Thinking about it as a parent, and knowing that your own child is in so much pain and you can’t stop it is an eye opener. That might come across wrong...


Wise words whatever your Mom said to you...They have an additional pain seeing two generations in grief...If that makes sense....


It’s the same sort of thing with me too. It always make me feel worse seeing my daughters struggling with their loss.


it's a huge burden you carry, dean & it's a testament to the kind of bloke you really are that you feel your daughters' grief & aren't wrapped up in your own.

i'm not sure that's come across right but you're a good man. x


Cheers!

Re: how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

Post by Guest » Fri May 18, 2018 12:54 pm

Dean wrote:
Rockstar wrote:
Dean wrote:
Dimples wrote:What a lot of very astute and very moving posts here. :smilin:

The pain of losing your parents is hell. However, that pain is put into perspective when you hear about people who have endured a lifetime of the pain of not being given the love of their parents.

Love your parents to bits when they are still here... but cherish the memories of them always, after they are gone - because some people are not so lucky.


My Mom said to me recently that although it’s me that lost a child, she feels even worse knowing she can’t do anything to stop any pain I feel. It’s a difficult thing for me to express properly, but I’d never thought about it from like that her point of view. Thinking about it as a parent, and knowing that your own child is in so much pain and you can’t stop it is an eye opener. That might come across wrong...


Wise words whatever your Mom said to you...They have an additional pain seeing two generations in grief...If that makes sense....


It’s the same sort of thing with me too. It always make me feel worse seeing my daughters struggling with their loss.


it's a huge burden you carry, dean & it's a testament to the kind of bloke you really are that you feel your daughters' grief & aren't wrapped up in your own.

i'm not sure that's come across right but you're a good man. x

Re: how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

Post by Dean » Fri May 18, 2018 12:34 pm

Kat wrote:
HobbitFeet wrote:Gosh, what a heartwarming but soul baring thread this turned out to be

:wubbers: for all

It has i couldn't imagine the pain of losing a child and sorry for your loss Dean .regarding your ma m your pain will be her pain .so sad but families are a strong bond


Cheers Kat!

Re: how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

Post by Kat » Fri May 18, 2018 12:34 pm

HobbitFeet wrote:Gosh, what a heartwarming but soul baring thread this turned out to be

:wubbers: for all

It has i couldn't imagine the pain of losing a child and sorry for your loss Dean .regarding your ma m your pain will be her pain .so sad but families are a strong bond

Re: how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

Post by Mickyboy » Fri May 18, 2018 12:27 pm

HobbitFeet wrote:just tidying up

apologies if any innocent posts got caught in the crossfire

and Micky - what sort of clown reports a post to the person who made it, I should ban your ass


I was just using the report facility to ask a perfectly reasonable question in private HF which I thought was the best way so not a clown at all, but you do what you feel you have to if you want to......

Re: how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

Post by Dean » Fri May 18, 2018 12:23 pm

Rockstar wrote:
Dean wrote:
Dimples wrote:What a lot of very astute and very moving posts here. :smilin:

The pain of losing your parents is hell. However, that pain is put into perspective when you hear about people who have endured a lifetime of the pain of not being given the love of their parents.

Love your parents to bits when they are still here... but cherish the memories of them always, after they are gone - because some people are not so lucky.


My Mom said to me recently that although it’s me that lost a child, she feels even worse knowing she can’t do anything to stop any pain I feel. It’s a difficult thing for me to express properly, but I’d never thought about it from like that her point of view. Thinking about it as a parent, and knowing that your own child is in so much pain and you can’t stop it is an eye opener. That might come across wrong...


Wise words whatever your Mom said to you...They have an additional pain seeing two generations in grief...If that makes sense....


It’s the same sort of thing with me too. It always make me feel worse seeing my daughters struggling with their loss.

Re: how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

Post by Rockstar » Fri May 18, 2018 12:13 pm

Dean wrote:
Dimples wrote:What a lot of very astute and very moving posts here. :smilin:

The pain of losing your parents is hell. However, that pain is put into perspective when you hear about people who have endured a lifetime of the pain of not being given the love of their parents.

Love your parents to bits when they are still here... but cherish the memories of them always, after they are gone - because some people are not so lucky.


My Mom said to me recently that although it’s me that lost a child, she feels even worse knowing she can’t do anything to stop any pain I feel. It’s a difficult thing for me to express properly, but I’d never thought about it from like that her point of view. Thinking about it as a parent, and knowing that your own child is in so much pain and you can’t stop it is an eye opener. That might come across wrong...


Wise words whatever your Mom said to you...They have an additional pain seeing two generations in grief...If that makes sense....

Re: how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

Post by HobbitFeet » Fri May 18, 2018 12:12 pm

just tidying up

apologies if any innocent posts got caught in the crossfire

and Micky - what sort of clown reports a post to the person who made it, I should ban your ass

Re: how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

Post by NastyNickers » Fri May 18, 2018 11:57 am

Dean wrote:
Dimples wrote:What a lot of very astute and very moving posts here. :smilin:

The pain of losing your parents is hell. However, that pain is put into perspective when you hear about people who have endured a lifetime of the pain of not being given the love of their parents.

Love your parents to bits when they are still here... but cherish the memories of them always, after they are gone - because some people are not so lucky.


My Mom said to me recently that although it’s me that lost a child, she feels even worse knowing she can’t do anything to stop any pain I feel. It’s a difficult thing for me to express properly, but I’d never thought about it from like that her point of view. Thinking about it as a parent, and knowing that your own child is in so much pain and you can’t stop it is an eye opener. That might come across wrong...


:wubbers:

It doesn’t come across wrong. I agree with Dimples. My nanna said in the end it was the loss of her grandchild and all the pain of her son that was killing her. I’d never really considered before how difficult it must be for a grandparent.

Re: how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

Post by Dimples » Fri May 18, 2018 8:36 am

Dean wrote:
Dimples wrote:What a lot of very astute and very moving posts here. :smilin:

The pain of losing your parents is hell. However, that pain is put into perspective when you hear about people who have endured a lifetime of the pain of not being given the love of their parents.

Love your parents to bits when they are still here... but cherish the memories of them always, after they are gone - because some people are not so lucky.


My Mom said to me recently that although it’s me that lost a child, she feels even worse knowing she can’t do anything to stop any pain I feel. It’s a difficult thing for me to express properly, but I’d never thought about it from like that her point of view. Thinking about it as a parent, and knowing that your own child is in so much pain and you can’t stop it is an eye opener. That might come across wrong...



It doesn't come across wrong at at all and it's good to see you say it, Dean. That sounds like the sort of thing that a naturally nurturing and maternal mother would say. Your Mum sounds like a lovely woman.

I'm sorry for your loss. X

Re: how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

Post by Vam » Fri May 18, 2018 8:36 am

Guest wrote:you feel such pain at their passing because they were remarkable people. if you didn't feel the pain, it would mean they hadn't left such a huge impression behind.

pain is the price you pay now for the joy you had then.


We all have a story to tell, and I think those words sum up our story perfectly.

Re: how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

Post by HobbitFeet » Fri May 18, 2018 7:56 am

Gosh, what a heartwarming but soul baring thread this turned out to be

:wubbers: for all

Re: how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

Post by Dean » Fri May 18, 2018 1:07 am

Dimples wrote:What a lot of very astute and very moving posts here. :smilin:

The pain of losing your parents is hell. However, that pain is put into perspective when you hear about people who have endured a lifetime of the pain of not being given the love of their parents.

Love your parents to bits when they are still here... but cherish the memories of them always, after they are gone - because some people are not so lucky.


My Mom said to me recently that although it’s me that lost a child, she feels even worse knowing she can’t do anything to stop any pain I feel. It’s a difficult thing for me to express properly, but I’d never thought about it from like that her point of view. Thinking about it as a parent, and knowing that your own child is in so much pain and you can’t stop it is an eye opener. That might come across wrong...

Re: how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

Post by Guest » Fri May 18, 2018 12:01 am

Guest wrote:
Guest wrote:
Guest wrote:you feel such pain at their passing because they were remarkable people. if you didn't feel the pain, it would mean they hadn't left such a huge impression behind.

pain is the price you pay now for the joy you had then.


That's from the film Shadowlands.


i've never watched or read it, thanks for finding it.


It's worth watch or a read it's very touching and Lewis has interesting things to say about suffering and death.

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