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Re: jokes thread

Post by Nucks » Sun Jun 17, 2018 5:01 am

Keyser wrote:
Nucks wrote:Image


A classic and I bet you were thinking of me. :gigglesnshit:


:mrgreen:

Re: jokes thread

Post by Nucks » Sun Jun 17, 2018 5:00 am

I picked up a hitch hiker last nite. He asked me why I would pick up a stranger, how did I know he wasn’t a serial killer.

I said the chances of two serial killers being in one car would be astronomical.

Re: jokes thread

Post by Punk » Sat Jun 16, 2018 8:54 pm

Image

Re: jokes thread

Post by Keyser » Sat Jun 16, 2018 8:46 pm

Image

Re: jokes thread

Post by Punk » Sat Jun 16, 2018 8:29 pm

Image

Re: jokes thread

Post by Keyser » Sat Jun 16, 2018 8:19 pm

Nucks wrote:Image


A classic and I bet you were thinking of me. :gigglesnshit:

Re: jokes thread

Post by Nucks » Sat Jun 16, 2018 2:01 pm

Image

Re: jokes thread

Post by Punk » Sat Jun 16, 2018 1:44 pm

My girlfriend says I'm immature, I politely asked to to stop standing on my Subbuteo pitch.

Re: jokes thread

Post by Punk » Sat Jun 16, 2018 9:58 am

I threw a boomerang years ago, now I live in constant fear.

Re: jokes thread

Post by Punk » Fri Jun 15, 2018 1:58 pm

The England team today visited a Russian orphanage. “It was desperately sad to see their faces with no hope”
Spoiler: show
-said Vladimir aged 6.

Re: jokes thread

Post by Dean » Thu Jun 14, 2018 4:04 pm

Nucks wrote:Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.

Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.

The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."

The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question.

The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, lifts her dress and shoves it up her fanny.

The Angel says, "OK, your Majesty, you may go in."

Dolly is outraged and asks, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down.
She does a cheap nightclub act and she gets in! Would you explain that to me?"

"Sorry, Dolly," says the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair.”



:pmsl: :pmsl: :pmsl:

Re: jokes thread

Post by Nucks » Thu Jun 14, 2018 4:03 pm

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.

Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.

The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."

The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question.

The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, lifts her dress and shoves it up her fanny.

The Angel says, "OK, your Majesty, you may go in."

Dolly is outraged and asks, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down.
She does a cheap nightclub act and she gets in! Would you explain that to me?"

"Sorry, Dolly," says the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair.”

Re: jokes thread

Post by Punk » Thu Jun 14, 2018 3:46 pm

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump. I ran over and said: "Stop. Don't do it."

"Why shouldn't I?" he asked.

"Well, there's so much to live for!"

"Like what?"

"Are you religious?"

He said: "Yes."

I said: "Me too. Are you Christian or Buddhist?"

"Christian."

"Me too. Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

"Protestant."

"Me too. Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

"Baptist."

"Wow. Me too. Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"

"Baptist Church of God."

"Me too. Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God."

"Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?"

He said: "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915."

I said: "Die, heretic scum," and pushed him off.

Re: jokes thread

Post by Lady Murasaki » Thu Jun 14, 2018 10:23 am

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
“We better get some support or they’ll think we’re nuts!”

Re: jokes thread

Post by Avon Barksdale » Wed Jun 13, 2018 9:34 pm

An irate husband walks into the marital bedroom holding a pig wearing a bow.

"This is the cow I have to have sex with when you have a headache" says the man.

His irritated wife looks up from her book, rolls her eyes and says "I think you'll find that's a pig you idiot."

To which he replies 'I think you'll find I was talking to the pig..."

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