Dreams!

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Expand view Topic review: Dreams!

Re: Dreams!

Post by Rolluplostinspace » Thu Sep 09, 2021 5:24 pm

Earlier today had a dream of very large earthquake on the sea bed big tsunami followed and the corner shop where I grew up was selling badges and stickers to commemorate it.

Re: Dreams!

Post by art0hur0moh » Thu Sep 09, 2021 1:55 pm

drum wrote:Those memories you remember, they will remember them too, or their own version of events. I think with the kids it's mostly about creating those memories, happy times that we all look back on no matter how silly or daft we feel. I consider myself lucky i'm as involved with my Grandchildren like I am, I think we all make better grandparents than we do as parents, we don't have the stress and pressures of parenting those children so we get the best of them.

Finding out you're adopted, especially at such a young age would have an impact on anyone, for all you say your Mum was disconnected, she actually chose you .
I let my kids paint the walls as well :pmsl: one son painted half his ceiling black before I caught him, it stayed half painted black for months and months.

With personal trauma, sometimes, you have to say you need some help, not everyone will recognize the signs. I feel you need to be a bit kinder to yourself Arthur, try not to see things in life as a mission to complete, sometimes things are just 'things' we have to deal with.. One day at a time and all that.
You don't ask a 12 year if they want to live with an alcoholic or move to another country. I was emptying buckets of water contain the lining of the stomach from the woman he stayed with while he was of to work, or in the pub till late evening starting at 6am, never missed a days work (that may have been advantageous? Certainly would have provided the incentive to excel. Maybe she asked knowing having a father with strong work ethic was what i needed?).

I liked working in the factory, got to work around industrial furnaces drive a fork lift (under supervision), they got a machine for bending metal that need bolted into a pit. But only my self and his foreman where able to fit in the gap. Big industrial bolts not like the support beams with four bolts. Though that was when i was about ten, he worked as a maintenance engineer in a sweet factory when we left.

Though I never knew it at the time, I would have been conscripted. Mum was also never payed child maintenance, and he didn't support my sister and myself in any other way. Thinking about now, it seems by that point she had given up on her self? She lost the fight. But i was not the one fought for and that isn't what mothers do. Though she did defend me when truth and integrity where at stake.

Re: Dreams!

Post by drum » Sun Sep 05, 2021 11:54 am

Those memories you remember, they will remember them too, or their own version of events. I think with the kids it's mostly about creating those memories, happy times that we all look back on no matter how silly or daft we feel. I consider myself lucky i'm as involved with my Grandchildren like I am, I think we all make better grandparents than we do as parents, we don't have the stress and pressures of parenting those children so we get the best of them.

Finding out you're adopted, especially at such a young age would have an impact on anyone, for all you say your Mum was disconnected, she actually chose you .
I let my kids paint the walls as well :pmsl: one son painted half his ceiling black before I caught him, it stayed half painted black for months and months.

With personal trauma, sometimes, you have to say you need some help, not everyone will recognize the signs. I feel you need to be a bit kinder to yourself Arthur, try not to see things in life as a mission to complete, sometimes things are just 'things' we have to deal with.. One day at a time and all that.

Re: Dreams!

Post by art0hur0moh » Sun Sep 05, 2021 11:31 am

drum wrote:All well this end Arthur :thumbsup: in the middle of packing up to move into the flat downstairs :mrgreen:

It is hard for kids when they don't have both parents, Mums left to get on with it, it's a hard struggle going it alone. I've had experience from both sides, my dad raised me till I was 8 then went to live with my Mother.. always missed my Dad but the adults back then were a bit shit. We are back to being close again. Don't blame your Mum, her own life experiences will have made her the way she is. Sometimes it takes us reaching their ages before we see their struggles rather than consumed with our own. With our own children, just try to be there when they want you, they claim they don't always need us but they do. I don't always get along well with my lot but i'm always there whatever the issue.

Hope you find something to catch your interest and you get the rest you seek.


Mum had good council. Be honest was the most consistent advice, but old skools as you say. Parents divorced when i was seven. I understood alcoholism wasn't conducive to a healthy family dynamic, so it never affected me in as detrimental a manner as my mum and sister believe. Shortly after i realised she wasn't maternal which resulted in an extreme and unusual emotional reaction which took me decades to come to terms with. Learned about the same age I was adopted, that only affect me the older I got.

I understand her reasons very well, probably better than she does herself. There is no excuse. I deserve an apology, but don't expect it to be fourth coming any time this century. She simply has no clue what she did wrong. Or maybe she knows but doesn't care, which is more consistent with her character? Decided a long time ago to just have faith even though it remains unfulfilled. She is still family and has always had the option to be involved. I no longer get upset about it, so consider it resolved as far as is possible.

Finding what catches my interests has never been an issue. Actively perusing what catches my interests with productive consistency is sum :gigglesnshit: what lacking. Hence the reason for short periodic walks. I don't want to get bored before i enjoy whatever pleasantries i am entertained by.

First time i hit rock bottom, it only took three months for me to recover and deal with everything that needed resolved. I don't think anyone even noticed the trauma. Been feeling the same way as i did through mid to late stages, this time it took years. The reason i refused to call the childrens mother ex is because i regard her as family. By that time she was the one who need the support, and for a long time after.

Then some paki on a student visa part time security in a local store makes googly eyes and she swoons. I would look out for my childrens sisters interests with as much vigour as i do my children. Saw her dad wobbling on a ladder trying to trim ivy, i gave him a loan of my ladder. It would be shit she not growing up with a dad because i was to spiteful neglecting my social responsibility.

Can't always chose family, but we can chose how to respond. Must be awesome hanging out with the grand kids. So many moments to be cherished, i didn't want to miss when children where growing. Periodically i would spend a few moments to take every detail in. I remember when son was as tall as the table, and ironing board. Did the line on the door frame thing, but that was more for them than me. I let them paint and draw on walls, (not familiar with an empire that hasn't painted or done something to their buildings) as a way to reinforce their learning and expression. Obviously i would tell them they can only do it here, other people don't like that.

A couple of years ago my daughter painted the wall black. A massive square on the wall, pitch black. Some glitter rubbed in with hand and fingers. Upon completion she declared she painted the galaxy for me.

ooph, that is quite bit there. Guess i am seriously needing a conversation?

Re: Dreams!

Post by xtras1 » Sun Sep 05, 2021 10:03 am

drum wrote:All well this end Arthur :thumbsup: in the middle of packing up to move into the flat downstairs :mrgreen:

It is hard for kids when they don't have both parents, Mums left to get on with it, it's a hard struggle going it alone. I've had experience from both sides, my dad raised me till I was 8 then went to live with my Mother.. always missed my Dad but the adults back then were a bit shit. We are back to being close again. Don't blame your Mum, her own life experiences will have made her the way she is. Sometimes it takes us reaching their ages before we see their struggles rather than consumed with our own. With our own children, just try to be there when they want you, they claim they don't always need us but they do. I don't always get along well with my lot but i'm always there whatever the issue.

Hope you find something to catch your interest and you get the rest you seek.




That's lovely drum.. great advice :wubwub:

Re: Dreams!

Post by drum » Sun Sep 05, 2021 9:49 am

All well this end Arthur :thumbsup: in the middle of packing up to move into the flat downstairs :mrgreen:

It is hard for kids when they don't have both parents, Mums left to get on with it, it's a hard struggle going it alone. I've had experience from both sides, my dad raised me till I was 8 then went to live with my Mother.. always missed my Dad but the adults back then were a bit shit. We are back to being close again. Don't blame your Mum, her own life experiences will have made her the way she is. Sometimes it takes us reaching their ages before we see their struggles rather than consumed with our own. With our own children, just try to be there when they want you, they claim they don't always need us but they do. I don't always get along well with my lot but i'm always there whatever the issue.

Hope you find something to catch your interest and you get the rest you seek.

Re: Dreams!

Post by art0hur0moh » Sun Sep 05, 2021 9:32 am

drum wrote:
art0hur0moh wrote:Think i dreamed of my ex (have to use the term at least this once, even though i still think it inarticulate and naff) a few nights ago? It was very reminiscent of the day i asked who will she chose. I was grief stricken at the time so was barely cognisant. Took a further four years for me to realise i was also grieving the disintegration of the family dynamic with the occasional weaponization of children. Saw a pleasant warm glow, so no longer feel any need to hang around. Though, shortly before i was with, ahh calm, you are...as am I. Argh, fn brain gets in the way every time *rolling eyes*

Walks are not enough to diminish cortisol levels long enough. Doing them a bit more often for longer which is nostalgically pleasant. In my teens i did it often and later years walking the dog. I realise more each day how much i miss being out side. Lights are to bright, more often blinded by them when it is dark, or shadows disrupt perception of foot placement.


Dreaming of an ex partner might just mean you are missing a relationship with another person, maybe time to seek another Arthur. Can you not wear some shades and get out for a walk that way or are your walking levels diminished?


:) yeah, I have never needed a dream to tell me that :D

Artificial lighting :) I have maybe wore shades 4-5 times in my life, but only recall two or three occasions with pink Lennon shades i had in my teens before they went on a walkabout. It interferes with the eyes ability to absorb the correct frequencies of light disabling the skins ability to provide adequate protection.

I do think that is what the dream was related to? I wasn't holding on, i don't do things for her and actively avoid conversation. I do things for the children. Round about that time i was thinking of the possibility that the connection is sustained through the children? I grew up without a dad, and mum said she wasn't maternal when i was 12, not that the confession came as a surprise. You would think the acknowledgement would be enough to correct important issues? So i never ran knowing there are significant problems related to both boys and girls not having both parents available as much as is reasonably possible at crucial ages of development. Even my daughter wants me to go on an adventure. But would still prefer it was her mum.

Who i left in the first part of the dream after saying something was a tad more concerning and why, though shame may be a factor or it could have been permission i was seeking (yeah, i will go with the latter)?

Children are relatively secure, they know their phones and media are weapons. Are cognisant of real time dangers and competent enough to deal with most common and uncommon issues few their ages could deal with. I want them to be independent of state but can't do it the way things are as they currently are. I do feel the need for a proper rest (not the lazy kind of rest, the doing something fulfilling kind of rest), feeling a bit perkier each day even with the inexplicable periodic drops which seem to happen when i do less activity.

Cheers Drum! All well as well can be on your end?

Re: Dreams!

Post by drum » Sun Sep 05, 2021 6:45 am

art0hur0moh wrote:Think i dreamed of my ex (have to use the term at least this once, even though i still think it inarticulate and naff) a few nights ago? It was very reminiscent of the day i asked who will she chose. I was grief stricken at the time so was barely cognisant. Took a further four years for me to realise i was also grieving the disintegration of the family dynamic with the occasional weaponization of children. Saw a pleasant warm glow, so no longer feel any need to hang around. Though, shortly before i was with, ahh calm, you are...as am I. Argh, fn brain gets in the way every time *rolling eyes*

Walks are not enough to diminish cortisol levels long enough. Doing them a bit more often for longer which is nostalgically pleasant. In my teens i did it often and later years walking the dog. I realise more each day how much i miss being out side. Lights are to bright, more often blinded by them when it is dark, or shadows disrupt perception of foot placement.


Dreaming of an ex partner might just mean you are missing a relationship with another person, maybe time to seek another Arthur. Can you not wear some shades and get out for a walk that way or are your walking levels diminished?

Re: Dreams!

Post by art0hur0moh » Sun Sep 05, 2021 6:34 am

Think i dreamed of my ex (have to use the term at least this once, even though i still think it inarticulate and naff) a few nights ago? It was very reminiscent of the day i asked who will she chose. I was grief stricken at the time so was barely cognisant. Took a further four years for me to realise i was also grieving the disintegration of the family dynamic with the occasional weaponization of children. Saw a pleasant warm glow, so no longer feel any need to hang around. Though, shortly before i was with, ahh calm, you are...as am I. Argh, fn brain gets in the way every time *rolling eyes*

Walks are not enough to diminish cortisol levels long enough. Doing them a bit more often for longer which is nostalgically pleasant. In my teens i did it often and later years walking the dog. I realise more each day how much i miss being out side. Lights are to bright, more often blinded by them when it is dark, or shadows disrupt perception of foot placement.

Re: Dreams!

Post by art0hur0moh » Sun Sep 05, 2021 5:51 am

Holly wrote:Could you explain this sentence? "The second and third man made reason for mortal injury"

answered that.

Re: Dreams!

Post by art0hur0moh » Thu Jul 15, 2021 6:54 pm

drum wrote:Are you ok Arthur? sounds like your Mum has had a rough old time of it.

Got in contact when i was in my twenties, she asked how i was, i couldn't tell her the person i was with, ach nm... 2018 finally sent a letter, took 8 months for her to get it, and a further eight months to receive it. She is a bit like me enjoying the etymology of words, and is easy ozey. A wee comment her and there on facebook posts. Her husband is a metallurgist which has been a quasi interest of mine since i can remember but we never said anything. I think i might speak with him about it first? But we haven't been introduced although he has known of me since the first letters sent. Brother and sisters only learned of me earlier this year.

The error i made when my dog died is i spent a lot of time thinking about it from almost the moment i got him. And it still didn't prepare me for grief. I know what to expect but we where just starting a relationship. So a bit pissed but thinking how to communicate that with the rest of the family which is the upsetting bit? Let the dead take care of the dead, and living take care of the living. Nothing i can do for my mum but remain in contact with brothers and sisters.

Re: Dreams!

Post by art0hur0moh » Thu Jul 15, 2021 6:38 pm

Holly wrote:Could you explain this sentence? "The second and third man made reason for mortal injury"

heart disease, cancer and medical malpractice. All viruses and bacteria pale in comparison! Can't get your on shit right and think nature is the problem.

Re: Dreams!

Post by drum » Thu Jul 15, 2021 3:25 pm

Are you ok Arthur? sounds like your Mum has had a rough old time of it.

Re: Dreams!

Post by Holly » Thu Jul 15, 2021 3:24 pm

Could you explain this sentence? "The second and third man made reason for mortal injury"

Re: Dreams!

Post by art0hur0moh » Thu Jul 15, 2021 3:11 pm

I think i dreamed of my Mum before she kissed the earth one last time? Not got the guts to ask gran or siblings, just a comment here and there on facebook. I mistook her for my legal guardian (she said she would phone me a year and a half ago, i reminded her two - three months ago. Her poor memory is no excuse! She logged the day in the diary and mentioned a two week interval. If i stopped paying rent she wouldn't hesitate in showing up at my door. Been think about that for years?), She left running out the room crying after i erroneously told Her what someone else did to me, she was 15 when i was born. Did manage to have a few conversations on messenger a few comments on post here an there, Mum did get to speak with her grand Son. But not Her grand Daughter. Daughter did recently speak with Her great grand Mother. The second and third man made reason for mortal injury.

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