Temper Temper!!!

[Guest]

Ten Years ago I had a partner who was absolutely obsessed with computers. I was niave back then and thought the internet was only for perverts! I thought that anyone with an internet connection was seedy and must have an unhealthy thirst for porn!

Everyday my partner would shut me out of the room whilst he 'played' with his computer. He would invite his friends around to join him.


I would be called upstairs to his study, only to take orders for coffee and to deliver it promptly. As time went by I got really sick of it, I began to feel almost jealous of this precious computer


My partner absolutely adored this machine. He was a university student, studying I.T. We didn't have much money but he so wanted his own computer, in the end he managed to persuade his mother to part with a huge wad of cash to buy one for him. As you will remember back then computers were enormous! they took up a large amount of space and cost an absolute fortune!

Anyway, as time went by I became inanely envious of this computer, I felt almost as though IT was a third party, another woman, coming between my partner and I.

I remember this particular day, I had decided to bring my partner and I closer, I would cook us a special meal, set out candles and create a romantic atmosphere and I would ask him just this once to leave his computer switched off. I knew he would go for a drink straight from university and would then call me to pick him up in my car (I know, I was such a mug!) So I set about getting everything ready. I spent hours cooking, setting the theme and then awaited his phone call.

It began to get late and still he hadn't rang! I waited and waited. I became annoyed that the food was by now spoiled. And still I waited. Until finally the phone rang! "Hi Honey, I wont be home until late tonight. I'm going round to a friends to help him to set up his new computer"!

Well I was absolutely furious! I went into a blind state of insanity! I marched into the kitchen and grabbed my steak hammer, stormed upstairs and barged into his precious computer study, he had left the thing switched on and there starring back at me was his Pamela Anderson computer 'wall paper' with her big breasts bare! I took the steak hammer and swung it viciously at her 'jugs' and smashed this 'home-wrecking' machine to smithereens! I gave it several blows before I calmed down and composed myself. I felt smug! It was such a release, and I must confess that I totally enjoyed myself!

Needless to say, we split up and I now have my own, cute little lap-top and a wonderful husband who doesn't 'do' computers! (I keep my steak hammer well hidden, and if anyone even dared to touch my computer with aggression I would KILL THEM!

[BUDGIE]

You couldn't even write your own, you had to copy someone else's work. Pathetic.

http://www.helium.com/items/462213-humor-computers

[Snuffleupagus]

Cool story, bro.

[Snuffleupagus]

You couldn't even write your own, you had to copy someone else's work. Pathetic.

http://www.helium.com/items/462213-humor-computers

Lol.

[Guest]

You couldn't even write your own, you had to copy someone else's work. Pathetic.

http://www.helium.com/items/462213-humor-computers

Lol.

[Walt Whitman]

You couldn't even write your own, you had to copy someone else's work. Pathetic.

http://www.helium.com/items/462213-humor-computers

Dogs needs a members story section for all you creative types.

You could even give out prizes for the best. A days ban for third place, two days for second etc...

[BUDGIE]

You mean like CUNT DRAC??

Shot down by Dean in 2 posts.

I was getting fed up with the wanker anyway - Cunt drac, not Dean. I don't like being pressured into releasing episodes.

My new story, "Trevor Atkinson, all round good cunt" based on the antics of a squaddie during WW1, and in no way bearing any relation to LordRaven's "this is just a persona" bollocks, will be on my own site.

[tropfatigue]

You mean like CUNT DRAC??

Shot down by Dean in 2 posts.

I was getting fed up with the wanker anyway - Cunt drac, not Dean. I don't like being pressured into releasing episodes.

My new story, "Trevor Atkinson, all round good cunt" based on the antics of a squaddie during WW1, and in no way bearing any relation to LordRaven's "this is just a persona" bollocks, will be on my own site.

Are those of us who are unwelcome at the Cage to be denied the delights of Trevor?

[Guest]

You mean like CUNT DRAC??

Shot down by Dean in 2 posts.

I was getting fed up with the wanker anyway - Cunt drac, not Dean. I don't like being pressured into releasing episodes.

My new story, "Trevor Atkinson, all round good cunt" based on the antics of a squaddie during WW1, and in no way bearing any relation to LordRaven's "this is just a persona" bollocks, will be on my own site.

Is Stephen Fry attached for the audio book release?

[Dean]

I don't get it... is it supposed to be funny? Or a dig at somebody here?

[Stooo]

You mean like CUNT DRAC??

Shot down by Dean in 2 posts.

I was getting fed up with the wanker anyway - Cunt drac, not Dean. I don't like being pressured into releasing episodes.

My new story, "Trevor Atkinson, all round good cunt" based on the antics of a squaddie during WW1, and in no way bearing any relation to LordRaven's "this is just a persona" bollocks, will be on my own site.

Are those of us who are unwelcome at the Cage to be denied the delights of Trevor?

You can only live in hope that they are...

[BUDGIE]

You mean like CUNT DRAC??

Shot down by Dean in 2 posts.

I was getting fed up with the wanker anyway - Cunt drac, not Dean. I don't like being pressured into releasing episodes.

My new story, "Trevor Atkinson, all round good cunt" based on the antics of a squaddie during WW1, and in no way bearing any relation to LordRaven's "this is just a persona" bollocks, will be on my own site.

Are those of us who are unwelcome at the Cage to be denied the delights of Trevor?

No, it'll go in the guest section. I wouldn't deny any fans of my dross the chance to read it.

And you're not unwelcome, I just suspect you'd be hacking my control panel as soon as my head was turned.....

[Guest]

I don't get it... is it supposed to be funny? Or a dig at somebody here?

Don't stand for it Dean.

Oh you are.

[BUDGIE]

I don't get it... is it supposed to be funny? Or a dig at somebody here?

The original post???

fuck knows.

[BUDGIE]

You mean like CUNT DRAC??

Shot down by Dean in 2 posts.

I was getting fed up with the wanker anyway - Cunt drac, not Dean. I don't like being pressured into releasing episodes.

My new story, "Trevor Atkinson, all round good cunt" based on the antics of a squaddie during WW1, and in no way bearing any relation to LordRaven's "this is just a persona" bollocks, will be on my own site.

Are those of us who are unwelcome at the Cage to be denied the delights of Trevor?

You can only live in hope that they are...

Considering you find the incredibly unfunny Lucian a comedy genius, I won't get too upset by that slight.....