how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

A right load of bollocks...

Re: how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

Postby HobbitFeet » Thu May 17, 2018 8:47 pm

both my parents are alive and in reasonably good health - despite everyone thinking I'm 74 my mum is only 65, my dad is older and as he approaches his 80's I see how he has become so much frailer, the thought of losing him scorches my heart so much, that some days I think hurry up and get it over with as the enormity of life without you is something I'm going to have to learn to live with, but right now I just have some horrific anticipation

I've not explained that well sorry
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Re: how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

Postby Keyser » Thu May 17, 2018 8:51 pm

HobbitFeet wrote:both my parents are alive and in reasonably good health - despite everyone thinking I'm 74 my mum is only 65, my dad is older and as he approaches his 80's I see how he has become so much frailer, the thought of losing him scorches my heart so much, that some days I think hurry up and get it over with as the enormity of life without you is something I'm going to have to learn to live with, but right now I just have some horrific anticipation

I've not explained that well sorry


Despite our differences that is a lovely post.
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Re: how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

Postby dis » Thu May 17, 2018 9:11 pm

HobbitFeet wrote:both my parents are alive and in reasonably good health - despite everyone thinking I'm 74 my mum is only 65, my dad is older and as he approaches his 80's I see how he has become so much frailer, the thought of losing him scorches my heart so much, that some days I think hurry up and get it over with as the enormity of life without you is something I'm going to have to learn to live with, but right now I just have some horrific anticipation

I've not explained that well sorry


You explained it really well, I know exactly how you are feeling because I felt that utter dread in the last few years of my dad’s life. My mum is really well and hopefully got another 20 years in her if she’s anything like my wee granny - she will probably outlive me. It’s a hellish thing Hobbit x
Last edited by dis on Thu May 17, 2018 9:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

Postby Avon Barksdale » Thu May 17, 2018 9:18 pm

HobbitFeet wrote:both my parents are alive and in reasonably good health - despite everyone thinking I'm 74 my mum is only 65, my dad is older and as he approaches his 80's I see how he has become so much frailer, the thought of losing him scorches my heart so much, that some days I think hurry up and get it over with as the enormity of life without you is something I'm going to have to learn to live with, but right now I just have some horrific anticipation

I've not explained that well sorry


I have so much to say about your post.

Just not tonight. Maybe never on here. This quote from C S Lewis goes some way to explaining:

“Why do I make room in my mind for such filth and nonsense? Do I hope that if feeling disguises itself as thought I shall feel less? Aren’t all these notes the senseless writhings of a man who won’t accept the fact that there is nothing we can do with suffering except to suffer it? Who still thinks there is some device (if only he could find it) which will make pain not to be pain. It doesn’t really matter whether you grip the arms of the dentist’s chair or let your hands lie in your lap. The drill drills on.

And grief still feels like fear. Perhaps, more strictly, like suspense. Or like waiting; just hanging about waiting for something to happen. It gives life a permanently provisional feeling. It doesn’t seem worth starting anything. I can’t settle down. I yawn, I fidget, I smoke too much. Up till this I always had too little time. Now there is nothing but time. Almost pure time, empty successiveness. One flesh. Or, if you prefer, one ship. The starboard engine has gone. I, the port engine, must chug along somehow till we make harbour. Or rather, till the journey ends. How can I assume a harbour? A lee shore, more likely, a black night, a deafening gale, breakers ahead—and any lights shown from the land probably being waved by wreckers. Such was H.’s landfall. Such was my mother’s. I say their landfalls; not their arrivals.”
― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed
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Re: how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

Postby Keyser » Thu May 17, 2018 9:21 pm

dis wrote:
HobbitFeet wrote:both my parents are alive and in reasonably good health - despite everyone thinking I'm 74 my mum is only 65, my dad is older and as he approaches his 80's I see how he has become so much frailer, the thought of losing him scorches my heart so much, that some days I think hurry up and get it over with as the enormity of life without you is something I'm going to have to learn to live with, but right now I just have some horrific anticipation

I've not explained that well sorry


You explained it really well, I know exactly how you are feeling because I felt that utter dread in the last few years of my dad’s life. My mum is really well and hopefully got another 20 years in her if she’s anything like my wee granny - she will probably outlive me. I feel like an orphan since my dad died, abandoned and totally lost but I was so so lucky to have had him for a dad, there was nobody like him. It’s a hellish thing Hobbit x


Another lovely post.

I will be utterly devastated when either of my parents go.

I was when Grandma and then Grandad went as I was the closest to them (RIP).

Life is so very cruel.
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Re: how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

Postby dis » Thu May 17, 2018 9:29 pm

Keyser wrote:
dis wrote:
HobbitFeet wrote:both my parents are alive and in reasonably good health - despite everyone thinking I'm 74 my mum is only 65, my dad is older and as he approaches his 80's I see how he has become so much frailer, the thought of losing him scorches my heart so much, that some days I think hurry up and get it over with as the enormity of life without you is something I'm going to have to learn to live with, but right now I just have some horrific anticipation

I've not explained that well sorry


You explained it really well, I know exactly how you are feeling because I felt that utter dread in the last few years of my dad’s life. My mum is really well and hopefully got another 20 years in her if she’s anything like my wee granny - she will probably outlive me. I feel like an orphan since my dad died, abandoned and totally lost but I was so so lucky to have had him for a dad, there was nobody like him. It’s a hellish thing Hobbit x


Another lovely post.

I will be utterly devastated when either of my parents go.

I was when Grandma and then Grandad went as I was the closest to them (RIP).

Life is so very cruel.


It’s no easy but somehow you just have to still go along, nothing else for it.
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Re: how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

Postby Keyser » Thu May 17, 2018 9:31 pm

dis wrote:
Keyser wrote:
dis wrote:
HobbitFeet wrote:both my parents are alive and in reasonably good health - despite everyone thinking I'm 74 my mum is only 65, my dad is older and as he approaches his 80's I see how he has become so much frailer, the thought of losing him scorches my heart so much, that some days I think hurry up and get it over with as the enormity of life without you is something I'm going to have to learn to live with, but right now I just have some horrific anticipation

I've not explained that well sorry


You explained it really well, I know exactly how you are feeling because I felt that utter dread in the last few years of my dad’s life. My mum is really well and hopefully got another 20 years in her if she’s anything like my wee granny - she will probably outlive me. I feel like an orphan since my dad died, abandoned and totally lost but I was so so lucky to have had him for a dad, there was nobody like him. It’s a hellish thing Hobbit x


Another lovely post.

I will be utterly devastated when either of my parents go.

I was when Grandma and then Grandad went as I was the closest to them (RIP).

Life is so very cruel.


It’s no easy but somehow you just have to still go along, nothing else for it.


Indeed - love your avi by the way. :Hiya:
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Re: how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

Postby NastyNickers » Thu May 17, 2018 9:41 pm

HobbitFeet wrote:both my parents are alive and in reasonably good health - despite everyone thinking I'm 74 my mum is only 65, my dad is older and as he approaches his 80's I see how he has become so much frailer, the thought of losing him scorches my heart so much, that some days I think hurry up and get it over with as the enormity of life without you is something I'm going to have to learn to live with, but right now I just have some horrific anticipation

I've not explained that well sorry


It’s perfectly explained. I can’t really understand losing a parent, my dad is 50 this year and my mum younger. It’s a way off yet. But I lost my nanna in 2016. My nanna was my soulmate. I don’t think I’ll ever be so close to another human again.
She was diagnosed with bladder cancer not long after my brother died, and I pretty much grieved for her for the 2 years leading up to her death. Every day I woke up feeling like I was drowning, torn between wanting it over and being aware I was wishing her life away.

I think the overwhelming feeling when she died was relief.
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Re: how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

Postby Keyser » Thu May 17, 2018 9:46 pm

NastyNickers wrote:
HobbitFeet wrote:both my parents are alive and in reasonably good health - despite everyone thinking I'm 74 my mum is only 65, my dad is older and as he approaches his 80's I see how he has become so much frailer, the thought of losing him scorches my heart so much, that some days I think hurry up and get it over with as the enormity of life without you is something I'm going to have to learn to live with, but right now I just have some horrific anticipation

I've not explained that well sorry


It’s perfectly explained. I can’t really understand losing a parent, my dad is 50 this year and my mum younger. It’s a way off yet. But I lost my nanna in 2016. My nanna was my soulmate. I don’t think I’ll ever be so close to another human again.
She was diagnosed with bladder cancer not long after my brother died, and I pretty much grieved for her for the 2 years leading up to her death. Every day I woke up feeling like I was drowning, torn between wanting it over and being aware I was wishing her life away.

I think the overwhelming feeling when she died was relief.


I am very sorry about your Nanna- my Grandad was my true soul mate and the way he died after being a decorated WW2 veteran was truly awful.

That is when I finally gave up that life is fair.

It's not.
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Re: how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

Postby Guest » Thu May 17, 2018 9:52 pm

you feel such pain at their passing because they were remarkable people. if you didn't feel the pain, it would mean they hadn't left such a huge impression behind.

pain is the price you pay now for the joy you had then.
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Re: how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

Postby Keyser » Thu May 17, 2018 10:07 pm

Guest wrote:you feel such pain at their passing because they were remarkable people. if you didn't feel the pain, it would mean they hadn't left such a huge impression behind.

pain is the price you pay now for the joy you had then.


Thank you guest. :smilin:

A trully beautiful post. :wubbers:
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Re: how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

Postby Guest » Thu May 17, 2018 10:11 pm

Guest wrote:you feel such pain at their passing because they were remarkable people. if you didn't feel the pain, it would mean they hadn't left such a huge impression behind.

pain is the price you pay now for the joy you had then.


That's from the film Shadowlands.
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Re: how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

Postby Guest » Thu May 17, 2018 10:12 pm

Keyser wrote:
Guest wrote:you feel such pain at their passing because they were remarkable people. if you didn't feel the pain, it would mean they hadn't left such a huge impression behind.

pain is the price you pay now for the joy you had then.


Thank you guest. :smilin:

A trully beautiful post. :wubbers:


i hope you find peace, keys. he must have been a wonderful man.
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Re: how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

Postby NastyNickers » Thu May 17, 2018 10:13 pm

Keyser wrote:
I am very sorry about your Nanna- my Grandad was my true soul mate and the way he died after being a decorated WW2 veteran was truly awful.

That is when I finally gave up that life is fair.

It's not.


Some parts of life aren’t fair. But for all the unfairness there’s also beautiful moments. The wonderful moments may be fleeting, but they make the bad worth riding out.
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Re: how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

Postby Dimples » Thu May 17, 2018 10:24 pm

What a lot of very astute and very moving posts here. :smilin:

The pain of losing your parents is hell. However, that pain is put into perspective when you hear about people who have endured a lifetime of the pain of not being given the love of their parents.

Love your parents to bits when they are still here... but cherish the memories of them always, after they are gone - because some people are not so lucky.
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