how do you help someone get their self esteem back?

[Dean]

What a lot of very astute and very moving posts here.

The pain of losing your parents is hell. However, that pain is put into perspective when you hear about people who have endured a lifetime of the pain of not being given the love of their parents.

Love your parents to bits when they are still here... but cherish the memories of them always, after they are gone - because some people are not so lucky.

My Mom said to me recently that although it’s me that lost a child, she feels even worse knowing she can’t do anything to stop any pain I feel. It’s a difficult thing for me to express properly, but I’d never thought about it from like that her point of view. Thinking about it as a parent, and knowing that your own child is in so much pain and you can’t stop it is an eye opener. That might come across wrong...

Wise words whatever your Mom said to you...They have an additional pain seeing two generations in grief...If that makes sense....

It’s the same sort of thing with me too. It always make me feel worse seeing my daughters struggling with their loss.

it's a huge burden you carry, dean & it's a testament to the kind of bloke you really are that you feel your daughters' grief & aren't wrapped up in your own.

i'm not sure that's come across right but you're a good man. x

Cheers!

[Helena]

Wow - I just read this all today and was kind of expecting it to be light hearted in the beginning - Im actually moved to tears now.

Hobbit I totally understand what you mean in your post - my brother passed away very recently - he was very ill and the last few weeks were horrendous, but among all that were beautiful moments when we talked about when we were small and he told me he loved me. That said, I had the guilt like you talk about, as I wanted with all my being to hear that it was over - because he was suffering so much - then feeling guilt because I thought that.

Dean - what you said about your mum was very poingnant and I had never thought of it before.

As you get older you lose more people, it doesn't get any easier, but I have to say I just cannot imagine what it would be like to lose a child - the natural way of things is to lose your parents, grieve for them, then as you get older perhaps your siblings, but its not supposed to happen that its your child. xx

Just want to say thank you to everyone for the lovely honest posts!