jokes thread

[Nucks]

Yo mama so fat, when her beeper went off people thought she was backin up!

Yo mamma so fat, she fell in love and got stuck.

[dis]

Mammy Mammy why I am running round in circles?

Shurrup or I'll nail yer other foot to the floor.

[dis]

Ten cows in a field which is the closest to Iraq?

Coo eight?

[Vam]

Ten cows in a field which is the closest to Iraq?

Coo eight?

[HobbitFeet]

[Vam]

What’s red and bad for your teeth?

A brick.

... that one got me too

[Nucks]

Paddy died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly so the morgue required someone to identify the body.

His two best friends, Seamus and Sean, were sent for. Seamus went in first and the mortician pulled back the sheet.

Seamus took a look at the body, said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. It could be him. Roll him over".

So the mortician rolled him over.

Seamus looked down and said, "Nope, that ain't Paddy".

The mortician thought that was rather strange, and then he brought Sean in to identify the body. Sean took a look at the corpse and said, "Gee, he's burnt really bad. Will you roll him over?"

The mortician rolled the body on to its front and Sean looked down for a moment before saying, "No, not Paddy".

The mortician, puzzled, asked, "How can you tell?"

Sean replied, "Well, Paddy had two arseholes."

"What do you mean? No-one has two arseholes," said the mortician.

"Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, "Here comes Paddy with dem two arseholes!"

[Guest]

Yo mama so fat, when her beeper went off people thought she was backin up!

Yo mamma so fat, she fell in love and got stuck.

Yo momma is so fat, when I thought of her it broke my neck

[Guesticle]

Aaaah, Nucks, that cow joke! I shat myself laughing.

[megaera]

Why did the baker have brown hands


He needed a poo

[Guest]

McTavish is on his death bed. He calls over his friend Hamish and says, “I have a bottle of 25-year-old whisky under my pillow. When I’m dead would you do me a kindness and pour it over my grave?” “Of course I will,” replies Hamish. “Though I might be passing it through my kidneys first.”

[Nucks]

What’s brown and sticky?




A stick.

[Helena]

Micky met his pal Pluto

Pluto said he was sorry to hear that Micky and Minnie were getting a divorce but Micky shouldn't call Minnie a lunatic

Micky said he hadn't called Minnie a lunatic, he'd said she was fucking goofy.

Soz

[Vam]

Aaaah, Nucks, that cow joke! I shat myself laughing.

What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky.

My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high…

...
https://worstjokesever.com/cow

[Gabby]

A dying man wanted to take all his hard earned money with him when he died, and made his wife promise to bury it all with him, to which she agreed. When the day came, before they nailed down his coffin, true to her word.... his wife shoved a cheque in for half a million quid!