NICKED AND RE-POSTED. 2020 REVISITED.

[Cannydc]

Fuckin 2020
A timeline of the Shitshow so far.
January
Everything's fine. China has the cold or some shit.
"2020 is my year" .... u can keep it Karen ya mad bastard.
February
Nowt to do wi us China.
This is why we don't eat things that still have fuckin plans for 2moro.
Best of luck though!
March.
Pffft. It's probably fine.
Boris has it under control. (We'll just ignore the fact he brushes his hair wi the arse end of a hedgehog and has the I.Q of a kitchen utensil) WE'RE FIIIINE.
Wait. What's that now? Where's all the bread gone?
Whys McDonald's taped up like a murder scene??!
We should wear masks now Boris aye? Yes?... Boris?... no?? Boris??!
Ok
We're HOMESCHOOLING???!
Fuck.
April.
Our pensioners are all given 3-5 working days to live.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ETHEL STAY INSIDE! Popping in the co-op is a bloody death sentence so stop scuttling round 27 times a day looking for flour.
THERE'S NO FUCKING FLOUR ETHEL!
Erm.
Can I have some toilet roll please?
Let's all make masks out the gussets of our big knickers and hoard loaves of bread like we're gonna build a fuckin house wi it!
FUCK OFF JOE WICKS I CANT FEEL MY LEGS!
I'm rated "Piss poor and drunk" by Ofsted and the kids are surviving on custard creams and the tears of my misspent youth.
ENTER Dominic Cummings Stage right:
"let's go on a jolly wee road trip and ignore all the rules
Oh.. and I'll check my eyesight on the fucking motorway".
No repercussions whatsoever.
C*NT.
Joe Exotic is elected king of the world and the entire human race Trolls Carole fuckin Baskin.
May.
Help. April was 6 years long. We've all got beards and the fridge has a restraining order against me and my 7 chins.
Half of us are now gin soaked hermits who only crawl out on a Thursday to clap.
Boris says we've to go to work. But not go to work. But if we can't work we should definitely go to work. Only don't go by bus... or car.. or any public transport.
LETS ALL SPROUT SOME FUCKING WINGS AND FLYYYYY.
Masks?? No?...
June.
Shops, zoos and theme parks reopen.
We spend most of this month in the queue for McDonald's with big Sandra and her entire extended family and the rest of the month ramming ourselves into Primark.
Still can't go see our mother...
July.
Bars open.
No one remembers anything else.. we're all fuckin minced and our kids are feral.
Masks now though yeah? No?
Actually... yes. Yes. But not till the 24th.
Are we safe till the 24th??
Has the virus has been fuckin furloughed 'til then Boris?!
August.
Where the actual fuckity fuck did August go? Did Boris tax it?
September
When the schools FINALLY opened we all thought we'd be hoofin' the kids over the school fence with a bowl of Shreddies at the crack of Dawn (sick of Dawn getting her arse out. Dunno how she's not been arrested)
But in actual fact we're gutted. And so grateful for all the extra time and memories we've made.
So thanks for that Lockdown. Fair play.
Thank you.
Not you Boris.
You're still a rancid fanny...

[Red Okktober]

You have surpassed yourself this time canny - well worth the effort of copying and pasting.

There's nothing like a well written social observational piece - full of wit and cutting edge political comment.

And this is nothing like that - it's immature gibberish that could have been written by a 12 year old with learning difficulties.

[drum]

I laughed.

[Text]

@ title:
Where is it nicked from?

[Text]

You have surpassed yourself this time canny - well worth the effort of copying and pasting.

There's nothing like a well written social observational piece - full of wit and cutting edge political comment.
And this is nothing like that - it's immature gibberish that could have been written by



a 12 year old with learning difficulties.

I thought plenty of folks on here fit that description anyway, just saying.