Re: Random Stuff Part Eighteen

[Lady Murasaki]

The original wasn't exactly offensive though was it?
I mean it doesn't even look like a winky.

No it looked nothing like one, it was just someone with a bad mind.

Or a complex about...ok, I'm going to stop myself there.

[Vicky]

I was talking to my dad about the accident he had at work years ago, when he fell about 12ft off a machine and landed on his head.

It was touch and go for a while but he made a full recovery.

Yet a man who lived beside my Granny and Granda had a similar accident and fell about 5ft, but was left brain damaged.

I suppose it all boils down to luck.

[Nucks]

What the what?

https://m.imgur.com/gallery/Bz8nMRD

EVERY NIGHT BEFORE FOOD ONCE DAILY TO BE
TAKEN FOUR TIMES A DAY THREE TIMES A DAY
EVERY THREE TIMES DAILY TAKE ONE TAKE TWO
TAKE THREE ONE OR TWO

Warning: follow the printed instructions you have been given with this medicine.

[Trapper John]

I was putting up some pictures and doing a couple of other little things my daughter had asked me to do for her yesterday, when she said 'do you want to stay for dinner?' I think I must have ummed because she said "well I'm not forcing you' in a sharp tone before walking off without me answering.

I did um, not because there is anything wrong with her cooking, she turns out some lovely grub because she had me as a teacher.
I ummed because it's takes her an absolute fucking age to get anything on a plate and in front of you to eat.

Now it was just after 4:00pm and I'm thinking 'fuck it's gonna be about 7:30pm before I actually get anything in my stomach, can I wait that long' this was going on past experience, a lot of it.

Anyway, I did stay for dinner and sure enough 7:00pm passed and still nothing though it was being cooked I could tell that by the smell because she won't let me in her kitchen when she cooks.

So about 7:20pm it arrives, up it comes and lovely it looks, I can't wait to woof this down, i'm starving. 'Pass the pepper please I say', 'You'll need to take that wrapper bit off first' says her partner as he passes it to me, 'it's a new pot'

It's one of those clear plastic pepper grinders filled with black peppercorns and after a couple of seconds I manage to get the cellophane wrapper bit off, take half a grinding rotation and the entire fucking contents empty out on to my dinner.

Time stood still, as we all just stared at my dinner with varying degrees of horror, even my grandson who would normally burst out laughing wasn't sure what to do. After what seemed an age of being frozen, soundlessly in motion, I said 'oh poop' and we all broke into laughter, I think just becasue it was quicker than summing up the tears to cry.

There wasn't much to rescue and after refusing everyone's offer of their dinner I brightened up when told there was apple pie and custard for afters......I'm thinking 'surely you have to have some befores to have afters'

Truth be told I could have wept when I saw the lovely dinner I waited for so long, topped with a mountain of black peppercorns and it was only my grandson sitting there stopping me saying something a lot more expressive than 'poop' I was absolutely gutted.

[Dean]

I dropped pepper all over my dinner.

That would have been sufficient.

[Trapper John]

I dropped pepper all over my dinner.

That would have been sufficient.

I like to entertain, it's not my fault you can only absorb information in bite sized lumps - try some peppercorns when reading next time.

[Dean]

I dropped pepper all over my dinner.

That would have been sufficient.

I like to entertain, it's not my fault you can only absorb information in bite sized lumps - try some peppercorns when reading next time.

No, I absorbed it all. It was only til the last paragraph I realised it wasn’t going to get any better...

[Trapper John]

I dropped pepper all over my dinner.

That would have been sufficient.

I like to entertain, it's not my fault you can only absorb information in bite sized lumps - try some peppercorns when reading next time.

No, I absorbed it all. It was only til the last paragraph I realised it wasn’t going to get any better...

Look get back to your beans on toast you miserable cunt, and anyway who made you a booker prize judge?

[Dean]

I dropped pepper all over my dinner.

That would have been sufficient.

I like to entertain, it's not my fault you can only absorb information in bite sized lumps - try some peppercorns when reading next time.

No, I absorbed it all. It was only til the last paragraph I realised it wasn’t going to get any better...

Look get back to your beans on toast you miserable cunt, and anyway who made you a booker prize judge?

It’s kind of an unwritten rule around here, that I’m the resident literature critic. And there’s fuck all wrong with beans and toast.

At least I know how to use a fucking pepper grinder...

[Guest]

Why not just scoop the top bit of pepper affected dinner off your plate.... And did you have some pudding? This needs to be answered you can't leave us hanging!

[Trapper John]

I dropped pepper all over my dinner.

That would have been sufficient.

I like to entertain, it's not my fault you can only absorb information in bite sized lumps - try some peppercorns when reading next time.

No, I absorbed it all. It was only til the last paragraph I realised it wasn’t going to get any better...

Look get back to your beans on toast you miserable cunt, and anyway who made you a booker prize judge?

It’s kind of an unwritten rule around here, that I’m the resident literature critic. And there’s fuck all wrong with beans and toast.

At least I know how to use a fucking pepper grinder...

Yes, I don't think you were only one thinking that either at the table yesterday, my daughter's OH had this little smirk on his face even when I was leaving last night.

[Gabby]

Why not just scoop the top bit of pepper affected dinner off your plate.... And did you have some pudding? This needs to be answered you can't leave us hanging!

That's what I thought too..... I'd have just scraped them all off

[Gabby]

I dropped pepper all over my dinner.

That would have been sufficient.

I like to entertain, it's not my fault you can only absorb information in bite sized lumps - try some peppercorns when reading next time.

No, I absorbed it all. It was only til the last paragraph I realised it wasn’t going to get any better...

Look get back to your beans on toast you miserable cunt, and anyway who made you a booker prize judge?

Beans on toast is nice...... especially with ground black pepper!

[Alexa]

Why not just scoop the top bit of pepper affected dinner off your plate.... And did you have some pudding? This needs to be answered you can't leave us hanging!

He had apple pie and custard.....

That didn't get peppercorned

[Dean]

I dropped pepper all over my dinner.

That would have been sufficient.

I like to entertain, it's not my fault you can only absorb information in bite sized lumps - try some peppercorns when reading next time.

No, I absorbed it all. It was only til the last paragraph I realised it wasn’t going to get any better...

Look get back to your beans on toast you miserable cunt, and anyway who made you a booker prize judge?

Beans on toast is nice...... especially with ground black pepper!

He doesn’t know how to use a pepper grinder, haven’t you been paying attention?