Truss got in then, I've said she would when it was down to the last two
This amused me:
Stooo wrote:Truss got in then, I've said she would when it was down to the last two
This amused me:
Grafenwalder wrote:At least some good news - Cruella has gone before she gets the boot.
https://metro.co.uk/2022/09/05/priti-pa ... i=17303559
Stooo wrote:Grafenwalder wrote:At least some good news - Cruella has gone before she gets the boot.
https://metro.co.uk/2022/09/05/priti-pa ... i=17303559
To be replaced by Braverman
Apparently the BBC have edited it out of iPlayer because some snowflake got upset and cried about it. Cancel culture anyone?
Russ in Cheshire wrote:1. We begin with our new leader, Margarine Thatcher, who in only 3 weeks has become PM, finished off The Queen, taken 2 weeks away from work, ruined our relations with the US, crashed the economy, and started backbench rebellion to remove her from office
2. Having performed 4 cowardly U-turns during her own endless leadership campaign, Truss now seems to now think was is the key to her success
3. So she unthinkingly announced she’d be accompanying the new (yet also very old) King on his tour of Britain
4. She then bravely announced she wouldn’t be doing that at all
5. And then she boldly claimed she’d never said she would
6. Having demonstrated her lack of brain and courage, the PM completed her Wizard of Oz impression by introducing us to her missing heart
7. She lovingly told us tax cuts worth 1800x more for the richest 5% than the poorest 5% were "entirely fair"
8. And in a sign she was ending the grotesque expenditure of Boris Johnson, in her last year at the Home Office she increased dept spending by 45% on items including
9. Fine dining at luxury restaurants
10. “Extensive supplies from top wineries”
11. £1,840 for Norwich City mementos
12. Luxury wallpaper – does any of this sound familiar – provided by Osborne and Little (George Osborne’s family business)
13. £1,800 on a “wellness” app
14. £4,000 at a top hairdresser (who presumably also does the Thatcher doll at Tussauds )
15. £10,000 at Fortnum and Mason
16. And a £900 adult colouring book, cos we’re now governed by people who don’t read books, merely apply crayons
17. Then she went to the USA, and was so successful the White House said it would suspend the “special relationship”
18. Having assured us a trade deal with USA would be done "in weeks" if we voted for Brexit, Truss now told us there is no possibility of a deal with the USA
19. In a further effort to wipe from our minds the endless squalor and scandal of the Johnson years, her new Chief of Staff features in an FBI bribery investigation, is employed by a lobbying firm and only “seconded” to Number 10, and seems to be using tax-avoiding measures
20. A top Truss backer said of the Chief of Staff: “I've never heard of such an arrangement, and it is obviously quite wrong”
21. So this week the govt changed the rules to make his alleged tax-avoiding measures legal
22. Simon Clarke, a mouse-fart made flesh and shoved into a beige suit, explained the reason the Tories had been complete dogshit for 12 years is that they “haven’t had a clear run” and it had been “crisis after crisis”
23. He voted for all those crises
24. Anyway I’m not sure “it’s too difficult for us” is quite the reassurance he was aiming for
25. He went on to explain that the point of raising National Insurance was to pay for public services, and therefore they were cutting National Insurance to… pay for public services
26. The richest gain most from cutting NI. The poorest gain just 63p. Poverty averted!
27. While Clarke's smooth brain was busy de-fragging, he told viewers the govt was “unapologetically pro-growth”, and then along came Kwazi Kwarteng to shrink the economy by 3% in 3 hours
28. “Great to see sterling strengthening on the back of the new UK Growth Plan” tweeted shaved Afghan hound and Treasury Minister Chris Philip as sterling nosedived to its lowest point in 37 years
29. Philp said “markets will see that the government has a credible and responsible economic plan”
30. The markets nodded sagely, and then immediately crashed
31. So the govt said it refused to comment on the market, which is a shock to point 29
32. So the govt said it refused to comment on the market, which is a shock to point 29
33. It also refused to release analysis by the Office of Budget Responsibility, a sure sign that it’s all gonna be great
34. Kwarteng was overheard saying “Who cares if sterling crashes” at the Groucho club while celebrating Brexit. We are about to find out who cares
35. Kwarteng might be new to some of you, so an intro: he is the former minister for Brexit, then of Business, Energy and Growth.
36. All those things are going just swimmingly, so he’s now been made Chancellor, just in time to hit his devastating peak form
37. Just before his budget, former hedge-fund manager Kwarteng met other hedge-fund managers, and by staggering coincidence when he did his budget reports said “every one of them was shorting the pound”
38. Insider trading carries a sentence of 7 years. Just making you aware
39. Kwarteng also lifted the bankers’ bonus cap
40. Every one of those hedge-funds made millions, and their resulting huge bonuses won’t be taxed
41. Insider trading also carries unlimited fines. Just in case you were wondering
42. Kwarteng then said he would force people who have low paid jobs to get higher paid jobs. I bet that never occurred to them!
43. On a roll – or crack, it’s hard to tell – he cut stamp duty to help the poor. Experts said the cut would raise inflation and only help the rich
44. After Kwarteng did his fiscal event all over our carpet, the pound plunged to the lowest level against the dollar that it has ever been since Alexander Hamilton stopped rapping long enough to invent it in 1776
45. Kwarteng even managed to make the pound tank against the Russian Ruble, which I guess animated thumb Ben Wallace will now claim is proof our tanks are working
46. I present an array of opinions from Tory MPs and former Tory ministers:
47. “Liz is fucked”
48. “It’s a shit show”
49. “Everyone who isn’t mad hates it”
50. “There’s a 10-15% chance it’s genius. There’s a 70-80% chance it’s a disaster”
51. “It's economically reckless and political suicide”
52. “This whole thing boils down to infectious childlike optimism. It would almost be endearing if it wasn’t so completely and utterly fucking mad”
53. “There will come a time where people have to say ‘I know it’ll make us look chaotic, but we can’t go on like this’”
54. “They are already putting letters in as they think she will crash the economy”
55. “It’s the kind of thing that's usually tried in Latin American countries without success”
56. These are her friends, by the way.
57. A banking analyst predicted the £ would drop below $1 in the next couple of weeks – it was at $2 under Gordon Brown
58. Anyway, it all went so brilliantly that Kwarteng has already announced a new fiscal plan on 23 November, a bold prediction about his career chances
59. Work and Pensions minister Chloe Smith escaped from the set of Rings of Power long enough to defend a £55,000 tax cut for millionaires while the £20 Universal Credit uplift is ended
60. Maths fans will be excited to learn £55,000 is 52 years of £20 Universal Credit uplift
61. Meanwhile new Home Secretary Suella Braverman aimed for “New Priti Patel” but landed on “Secret Squirrel struggles with International Law for Dummies”
62. First she told police she “expects them” to cut the number of murders by 20%
63. Not solve them, you’ll notice: just stop them from happening – but she didn’t tell them how or give them any more resources
64. Then she unveiled her not-medically-proven theory that the best antidote to work-related stress is: do more work and relax in front of the TV less
65. But even this bit of political genius is one up on Health Minister and cigar-chomping Uncle Fester impersonator Therese Coffey, who – faced with record breaking waiting lists and the highest Covid hospitalisations in a year – prioritised her war against the Oxford Comma
66. Once her aggressive battle against punctuation choices was out of the way Coffey – part of a govt that inherited an NHS guaranteeing 48 waiting time for GP appointments – promised a grateful public they wouldn’t wait longer than 336 hours
67. In other news: PR giants who were given dodgy Covid contracts are now being given contracts to lead the inquiry into Covid, which sounds much better if you bark it from the back of a truck full of armed blackshirts towards a cowed and terrified public
68. In a sure sign Brexit is going well, the “Brexit bonus” for farmers was scrapped
69. And having howled madly against immigration for years, the govt signalled it plans to allow loads more immigrants
70. And the role of Minister for Brexit Opportunity was abolished
71. This brings us to Jacob Rees-Mogg, a spindly, posturing mantis who was beaten with a Latin phrasebook at an impressionable age, but IMO nowhere near hard enough
72. It was found his “independent consultation” on reintroducing Imperial measurements gave no option to say: no
73. In the face of catastrophic climate disaster Mogg said we “must get every cubic inch of gas out of the North Sea”
74. He then he lifted the ban on fracking after claiming said opposition to fracking was being funded by Putin
75. He is funded by fossil-fuel investors
76. The head of fracking company Cuadrilla said fracking in the UK won’t work
77. Never mind fracking - if there’s a premium on terrible ideas, I want drilling rights to Jacob Rees-Mogg's head
78. And in case you thought it was over, Boris Johnson, London’s very own Witless Dickington, is still here, first telling startled MPs about the great leadership of Vladimir Putin, then reportedly sending Hugo Swire to the House of Lords to annoy David Cameron “for a laugh”
79. A Johnson cabinet minister and senior aide were accused of sexual misconduct
80. The UK announced it would unilaterally ignore the NO Protocol
81. The nation’s most senior Treasury official was sacked for no reason
82. And – tragically – we lost Nadine Dorries, a beef-witted, one-woman riot of idiocy, who vanished from Twitter without warning. Please don’t send flowers: she worries they’d outsmart her
1. Parliament demanded this week’s Prime Minister, Margarine Thatcher, appoint an ethics adviser, despite Truss insisting she doesn’t need one
2. As with all Truss decisions, this was immediately tested by a thorough slap in the chops from the following bits of reality
3. Suella Braverman was formally reprimanded for mishandling sensitive documents
4. Then Kwasi Kwarteng’s celebratory champagne reception for hedge-fund managers who made billions from his shite budget “may have broken the ministerial code”, or what’s left of it after Johnson
5. While working as an MP Kwarteng was reportedly paid £20k a month as a “political advisor” to budget-profiting hedge fund manager Crispin Odey
6. And Kwarteng was found to have had “undisclosed, secret meetings” with Saudi oil firms - remember, all this in one week
7. Then Lee Anderson – clearly misunderstanding the Tory memo about "no infighting" – went outside for a fight instead, and assaulted a member of the public on camera
8. After which cocaine was found in multiple rooms following “raucous parties” at the Tory conference
9. And Jonathan Gullis, a Neanderthal’s toe pretending to be schools minister, was accused of breaching the ministerial code over a £7k donation
10. And then, perhaps worried we'd gone 3 mins without a scandal, Conor Burns rocked up to reportedly grope a man at the conference
11. Seemingly this wasn’t his only adventure at the Tory's Festival of Gobshitery: Mel (Scary Spice) B implied Burns had admitted something else to her in a conference lift
12. Burns is due to for a Knighthood from ethical mastermind Boris Johnson’s resignation honours list
13. Burns is the member for Bournemouth West, or was until he was sacked
14. It’s not going great for Tory Bournemouth: Tobias Elwood, the Tory MP for Bournemouth East, also lost the whip in July - two MPs, both had the whip withdrawn
15. Burns then tweeted his delight at record employment
16. Less than an hour later, employment fell 107,000
17. The Tory “levelling up” campaign was declared illegal, and breaking the law seems a pointless step to take for a policy you've got no intention of delivering
18. An unnamed cabinet minister – now they get bashful! – suggested tax cuts for women who have children so we can solve next month's workforce crisis in a mere 2 decades
19. This party removed freedom of movement for workers, and introduced a 2-child limit on benefits
20. Deputy PM and giant, trundling, cigar-chomping colicky baby Thérèse Coffey was found incapable of answering 18 different questions about govt policy in just 3 minutes
21. She did, however, find time to reportedly scrap anti-smoking plans. She’s the health minister
22. And then, in words that neatly explain the entire mindset of this govt, she told Radio 4 that “Poor people are richer than you think”
23. Let’s focus for a moment on Suella Braverman – who is either Heinrich Hamster or Joseph Gerbils – and who had quite a week
24. Lifelong Eurosceptic Michael Howard criticised Braverman’s latest spin of the Brexit Policy Randomizer Wheel as a “clear breach of international law”
25. Then Braverman put Liz Truss’s flagship India trade deal on “the verge of collapse” by insulting Indian national
26. From there it was just a short goose-step to her next move: reclassifying modern slavery as “illegal immigration”
27. Braverman's next dick-move was to say she wants to make cannabis a Class A drug
28. Liz Truss said she would not make cannabis a Class A drug
29. Braverman said she wants to “cut immigration”
30. Truss wants to increase immigration
31. A reminder that Braverman sits to the right of Truss around the same sodding cabinet table
32. And to the right of Braverman sits … nope, nobody is to the right of Braverman
33. Jacob Rees-Mogg, the Microsoft Paperclip standing to attention, was tasked with coming up with growth plans
34. They were all too mad for even Liz Truss to accept, and in the words of The Times nobody could “find alternative policies that would plausibly work”
35. So the growth, growth, growth policy made the economy shrink, shrink, shrink
36. Gilt markets fell so far that it wiped out an entire decade of gains in one week
37. Rees-Mogg responded by saying the BBC describing actual events was a “breach of impartiality guidelines
38. He then said we shouldn’t blame him for the current massive economic problems, because they began “before this govt took over” (meaning Liz Truss)
39. He was a senior member of the previous govt
40. And so was Liz Truss
41. Just after the markets closed the BoE announced it would “not extend intervention”
42. And then, just before the markets opened the next day, the BoE announced it would “prolong intervention”, meaning the policy lasted 12 hours during which nobody did anything
43. The IMF called govt policy – whatever it happened to be during any particular atomic instant – a “material risk to UK financial stability”
44. And the IMF issued – for the first time ever – a SECOND warning in a fortnight to the govt about its tax and energy policies
45. But this wasn’t even discussed at cabinet, cos they were busy squabbling about whether pot was better than coke, and making wild guesses about the quantum state of immigration and slavery policy
46. Lord Frost, after years saying we should cut ties with the EU, now says we should expand the Foreign Office so we can rebuild ties with the EU
47. He said there “has been an overzealous wish to avoid contacts with the EU”, and presumably he doesn’t own a mirror. Or a memory
48. Meanwhile the results of Frost's last idiotic idea are still playing out. The boss of Port of Dover told MPs “We do not have a solution that’s going to work” when the next load of Brexit-related border checks start next May, cos this shit NEVER ENDS
49. And in the middle of all this, Liz Truss’s spokesman took it upon himself to state that the PM “doesn’t believe Michael Gove is a sadist”. No context, he just up and said it
50. Meanwhile the National Grid said we could face 3-hour rolling power cuts this winter
51. When asked if we should use less energy to avoid this, the actual energy minister said “We are not sending that out as a message”
52. Then the govt dropped plans to tell people how to use less energy, the reason being: Liz Truss is “ideologically opposed” to helping people
Guest wrote:1. Parliament demanded this week’s Prime Minister, Margarine Thatcher, appoint an ethics adviser, despite Truss insisting she doesn’t need one
2. As with all Truss decisions, this was immediately tested by a thorough slap in the chops from the following bits of reality
3. Suella Braverman was formally reprimanded for mishandling sensitive documents
4. Then Kwasi Kwarteng’s celebratory champagne reception for hedge-fund managers who made billions from his shite budget “may have broken the ministerial code”, or what’s left of it after Johnson
5. While working as an MP Kwarteng was reportedly paid £20k a month as a “political advisor” to budget-profiting hedge fund manager Crispin Odey
6. And Kwarteng was found to have had “undisclosed, secret meetings” with Saudi oil firms - remember, all this in one week
7. Then Lee Anderson – clearly misunderstanding the Tory memo about "no infighting" – went outside for a fight instead, and assaulted a member of the public on camera
8. After which cocaine was found in multiple rooms following “raucous parties” at the Tory conference
9. And Jonathan Gullis, a Neanderthal’s toe pretending to be schools minister, was accused of breaching the ministerial code over a £7k donation
10. And then, perhaps worried we'd gone 3 mins without a scandal, Conor Burns rocked up to reportedly grope a man at the conference
11. Seemingly this wasn’t his only adventure at the Tory's Festival of Gobshitery: Mel (Scary Spice) B implied Burns had admitted something else to her in a conference lift
12. Burns is due to for a Knighthood from ethical mastermind Boris Johnson’s resignation honours list
13. Burns is the member for Bournemouth West, or was until he was sacked
14. It’s not going great for Tory Bournemouth: Tobias Elwood, the Tory MP for Bournemouth East, also lost the whip in July - two MPs, both had the whip withdrawn
15. Burns then tweeted his delight at record employment
16. Less than an hour later, employment fell 107,000
17. The Tory “levelling up” campaign was declared illegal, and breaking the law seems a pointless step to take for a policy you've got no intention of delivering
18. An unnamed cabinet minister – now they get bashful! – suggested tax cuts for women who have children so we can solve next month's workforce crisis in a mere 2 decades
19. This party removed freedom of movement for workers, and introduced a 2-child limit on benefits
20. Deputy PM and giant, trundling, cigar-chomping colicky baby Thérèse Coffey was found incapable of answering 18 different questions about govt policy in just 3 minutes
21. She did, however, find time to reportedly scrap anti-smoking plans. She’s the health minister
22. And then, in words that neatly explain the entire mindset of this govt, she told Radio 4 that “Poor people are richer than you think”
23. Let’s focus for a moment on Suella Braverman – who is either Heinrich Hamster or Joseph Gerbils – and who had quite a week
24. Lifelong Eurosceptic Michael Howard criticised Braverman’s latest spin of the Brexit Policy Randomizer Wheel as a “clear breach of international law”
25. Then Braverman put Liz Truss’s flagship India trade deal on “the verge of collapse” by insulting Indian national
26. From there it was just a short goose-step to her next move: reclassifying modern slavery as “illegal immigration”
27. Braverman's next dick-move was to say she wants to make cannabis a Class A drug
28. Liz Truss said she would not make cannabis a Class A drug
29. Braverman said she wants to “cut immigration”
30. Truss wants to increase immigration
31. A reminder that Braverman sits to the right of Truss around the same sodding cabinet table
32. And to the right of Braverman sits … nope, nobody is to the right of Braverman
33. Jacob Rees-Mogg, the Microsoft Paperclip standing to attention, was tasked with coming up with growth plans
34. They were all too mad for even Liz Truss to accept, and in the words of The Times nobody could “find alternative policies that would plausibly work”
35. So the growth, growth, growth policy made the economy shrink, shrink, shrink
36. Gilt markets fell so far that it wiped out an entire decade of gains in one week
37. Rees-Mogg responded by saying the BBC describing actual events was a “breach of impartiality guidelines
38. He then said we shouldn’t blame him for the current massive economic problems, because they began “before this govt took over” (meaning Liz Truss)
39. He was a senior member of the previous govt
40. And so was Liz Truss
41. Just after the markets closed the BoE announced it would “not extend intervention”
42. And then, just before the markets opened the next day, the BoE announced it would “prolong intervention”, meaning the policy lasted 12 hours during which nobody did anything
43. The IMF called govt policy – whatever it happened to be during any particular atomic instant – a “material risk to UK financial stability”
44. And the IMF issued – for the first time ever – a SECOND warning in a fortnight to the govt about its tax and energy policies
45. But this wasn’t even discussed at cabinet, cos they were busy squabbling about whether pot was better than coke, and making wild guesses about the quantum state of immigration and slavery policy
46. Lord Frost, after years saying we should cut ties with the EU, now says we should expand the Foreign Office so we can rebuild ties with the EU
47. He said there “has been an overzealous wish to avoid contacts with the EU”, and presumably he doesn’t own a mirror. Or a memory
48. Meanwhile the results of Frost's last idiotic idea are still playing out. The boss of Port of Dover told MPs “We do not have a solution that’s going to work” when the next load of Brexit-related border checks start next May, cos this shit NEVER ENDS
49. And in the middle of all this, Liz Truss’s spokesman took it upon himself to state that the PM “doesn’t believe Michael Gove is a sadist”. No context, he just up and said it
50. Meanwhile the National Grid said we could face 3-hour rolling power cuts this winter
51. When asked if we should use less energy to avoid this, the actual energy minister said “We are not sending that out as a message”
52. Then the govt dropped plans to tell people how to use less energy, the reason being: Liz Truss is “ideologically opposed” to helping people
Russ Jones
@RussInCheshire
Jason wrote:I see Sunak has now formally declared and appears to be running away with it.
His statement also basically confirms that there will be no General Election as well. I suspect we won't get one until the last possible point in 2024.
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