STICKY FOR JOKES

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Re: STICKY FOR JOKES

Postby Major » Sat Feb 13, 2021 10:58 pm

Aping Around

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Re: STICKY FOR JOKES

Postby common sense » Sun Feb 14, 2021 9:57 am

Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn't budget, so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil.
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Re: STICKY FOR JOKES

Postby common sense » Thu Feb 18, 2021 9:34 am

Police have found the body of a man in the Thames wearing a Chelsea shirt, women's underwear, fishnet stockings, suspenders and with an extra large dildo stuck up his arse.

They have removed the Chelsea shirt to save the family any embarrassment ..
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Re: STICKY FOR JOKES

Postby common sense » Thu Feb 18, 2021 9:36 am

Before proposing to his chav girlfriend, this man decided to ask her dad for permission.

"Sir, I want to marry your daughter."

"Can you support a family?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good. There's nine of us."
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Re: STICKY FOR JOKES

Postby common sense » Thu Feb 18, 2021 9:37 am

My husband keeps insisting we try 69, but I think we should keep the thermostat at 72 this winter.
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Re: STICKY FOR JOKES

Postby common sense » Thu Feb 18, 2021 9:38 am

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.

He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time, and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.

Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore.

The male whale was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female whale, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female whale was becoming reluctant to follow him.

"Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."
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Re: STICKY FOR JOKES

Postby Major » Sat Feb 20, 2021 9:10 am

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Re: STICKY FOR JOKES

Postby common sense » Sun Feb 21, 2021 10:59 pm

My wife glared at me with a face like thunder. "You couldn't even give my mother a respectful send-off," she fumed.

"What?" I asked, "I got everybody in line to file past her coffin for last-respects, just like you wanted."

"Yes, but there was no need to do the conga."
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Re: STICKY FOR JOKES

Postby common sense » Sun Feb 21, 2021 11:00 pm

While fishing off Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, a tourist capsized his boat. Petrified, he yelled to an old man standing by the shore, “Are there any alligators around here?”

“No.” the man hollered back. “They ain’t been around for years.”

Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming towards the shore. Halfway there, he called out again, “How’d you guys get rid of the alligators?”

“We didn’t.” the old man hollered back. “The sharks got ’em.”
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Re: STICKY FOR JOKES

Postby common sense » Mon Feb 22, 2021 9:34 am

Two Italian men get on a bus... they sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
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Re: STICKY FOR JOKES

Postby Major » Mon Feb 22, 2021 7:08 pm

This woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit.


He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?"


But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him a blank check to buy one.


When she comes back for the funeral, she sees her husband in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the funeral director how much she loves the suit and asks how much it cost.


He says, "Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her. So... I switched the heads"
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Re: STICKY FOR JOKES

Postby Rolluplostinspace » Mon Feb 22, 2021 8:01 pm

Major wrote:This woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit.


He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?"


But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him a blank check to buy one.


When she comes back for the funeral, she sees her husband in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the funeral director how much she loves the suit and asks how much it cost.


He says, "Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her. So... I switched the heads"

:yikes: Maj what a twist!
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Re: STICKY FOR JOKES

Postby common sense » Tue Feb 23, 2021 7:32 am

Rolluplostinspace wrote: :yikes: Maj what a twist!


Nah he sawed the heads off as they wouldn't just twist off. :doomed:
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Re: STICKY FOR JOKES

Postby Major » Tue Feb 23, 2021 10:48 am

Come on Rolly, ya must know jokes about SHEEP/.
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Re: STICKY FOR JOKES

Postby Major » Wed Feb 24, 2021 8:36 pm

Did you hear about poor old SB...?????.

Last night he had burglars who stole valuables, before leaving they sh-- in a pan of stew he had made, he was mad as hell as he had to THROW HALF of it away :gigglesnshit: :gigglesnshit:
True story, ask him :gigglesnshit: :gigglesnshit:
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