Top tips

[luddite]

Elderly people - don't walk three abreast at 0.05 mph, there are other people about.

And don't stop immediately after entering a pub, supermarket, library etc, blocking the gangway.

[PinkSmurf]

Elderly people will be slower, it comes to us all. It's European tourists queue jumping in supermarkets that annoy the shit out of me..and...European tourists who go in pubs with rucksacks on and bump you with them when they turn round or jig about to the music. That really pisses me off.

[Holly]

I don't mind the elderly being slow, they can't help it, what could be more annoying is, when elderly people decide to do their shopping at peak hour when others come home from work and need to rush through the shop to get dinner....when they have time all day to do their shopping.

[Trapper John]

Putting a small amount of gin or vodka in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes eyes bulge and causes them to swim in an amusing manner.

[Trapper John]

Drill a one inch diameter hole in your refrigerator door. This will allow you to check that the light goes off when the door is closed.

[Egalabalus]

Save money on expensive binoculars, stand closer to what you're looking at.

[Keyser]

It's easier to sharpen an earthworm to a point using a pencil sharpener if you freeze it first.

[Frank39]

Save money on carpet, buy a small, cheap, offcut, cut 2 pieces into into the
shape of a left and right foot, and attach to your feet with rubber bands.

[PinkSmurf]

Save money on carpet, buy a small, cheap, offcut, cut 2 pieces into into the
shape of a left and right foot, and attach to your feet with rubber bands.

That's brilliant.

[Keyser]

Save money on carpet, buy a small, cheap, offcut, cut 2 pieces into into the
shape of a left and right foot, and attach to your feet with rubber bands.

That's brilliant.

I suspect Frank is quoting from Viz Top Tips - but so am I!

Spaghetti bolognaise makes great intestines for a badly wounded Action Man.

[PinkSmurf]

Save money on carpet, buy a small, cheap, offcut, cut 2 pieces into into the
shape of a left and right foot, and attach to your feet with rubber bands.

That's brilliant.

I suspect Frank is quoting from Viz Top Tips - but so am I!

Spaghetti bolognaise makes great intestines for a badly wounded Action Man.

I just looked that up and there's some on Amazon. I liked Viz when I was a lot younger. It kind of goes with The Young Ones and Spitting Image. I keep missing The Windsors. Watching repeats on Film 4. That's all they seem to show right now. A film is shown a week after being on or is years old like 48 Hours with Eddie Murphy tonight. It's mostly what I watch, films or soaps.

[Frank39]

Save money on carpet, buy a small, cheap, offcut, cut 2 pieces into into the
shape of a left and right foot, and attach to your feet with rubber bands.

That's brilliant.

I suspect Frank is quoting from Viz Top Tips - but so am I!

Spaghetti bolognaise makes great intestines for a badly wounded Action Man.

Actually Keys, I either saw it on some whacko TV kids show years ago, or got it from a Christmas cracker.

[Keyser]

Save money on carpet, buy a small, cheap, offcut, cut 2 pieces into into the
shape of a left and right foot, and attach to your feet with rubber bands.

That's brilliant.

I suspect Frank is quoting from Viz Top Tips - but so am I!

Spaghetti bolognaise makes great intestines for a badly wounded Action Man.

Actually Keys, I either saw it on some whacko TV kids show years ago, or got it from a Christmas cracker.

Ok Frank.

By the way I think that you having 'The Knowledge' is a real achievement - I remember a drama many years ago on that very topic.

[Frank39]

Save money on carpet, buy a small, cheap, offcut, cut 2 pieces into into the
shape of a left and right foot, and attach to your feet with rubber bands.

That's brilliant.

I suspect Frank is quoting from Viz Top Tips - but so am I!

Spaghetti bolognaise makes great intestines for a badly wounded Action Man.

Actually Keys, I either saw it on some whacko TV kids show years ago, or got it from a Christmas cracker.

Ok Frank.

By the way I think that you having 'The Knowledge' is a real achievement - I remember a drama many years ago on that very topic.

I just asked my wife where the carpet tip came from, she said that it was from a McDonald''s TV ad on money saving tips.
Regarding The Knowledge, that Jack Rosenthal show was on TV just as I was nearing the end of it, and about 6 weeks from getting my Green Badge.
All London taxi drivers are convinced that Nigel Hawthorne's character was based on a Mr. Finlay, a legend at the Public Carriage Office.
He wasn't there when I was doing the K, but stories about him were rife, one nervous applicant moved his chair closer to Mr. Finlay's desk during "an appearance", and was asked if he now worked for Pickfords Removals, as his résumé said that he was a postman.
The examiners didn't just test your knowledge of London's streets and landmarks, they tested your temperament too.
I was asked on one appearance, "by which street would you leave a certain City courtyard?"
There were 3 possibilities, I named the obvious one, he said, "No", (this didn't mean I was wrong, he wanted to know if I could name the alternatives), I named another, he said "No" again, I named the last one and he said, "No, you obviously don't know it."
At which point I rose from my chair and said, "Don't fucking tell me that I don't know it!"
He looked over his glasses and said, "Would you say that to your passenger?"
I learned an important lesson that day, be VERY careful what you say to the examiner.

[Keyser]

I just asked my wife where the carpet tip came from, she said that it was from a McDonald''s TV ad on money saving tips.
Regarding The Knowledge, that Jack Rosenthal show was on TV just as I was nearing the end of it, and about 6 weeks from getting my Green Badge.
All London taxi drivers are convinced that Nigel Hawthorne's character was based on a Mr. Finlay, a legend at the Public Carriage Office.
He wasn't there when I was doing the K, but stories about him were rife, one nervous applicant moved his chair closer to Mr. Finlay's desk during "an appearance", and was asked if he now worked for Pickfords Removals, as his résumé said that he was a postman.
The examiners didn't just test your knowledge of London's streets and landmarks, they tested your temperament too.
I was asked on one appearance, "by which street would you leave a certain City courtyard?"
There were 3 possibilities, I named the obvious one, he said, "No", (this didn't mean I was wrong, he wanted to know if I could name the alternatives), I named another, he said "No" again, I named the last one and he said, "No, you obviously don't know it."
At which point I rose from my chair and said, "Don't fucking tell me that I don't know it!"
He looked over his glasses and said, "Would you say that to your passenger?"
I learned an important lesson that day, be VERY careful what you say to the examiner.

McDonald's copy their stuff from Viz I believe.

Thanks for that information about 'The Knowledge' Frank - very interesting stuff.