STICKY FOR JOKES

[common sense]

Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker.
It was just After Eight.
They got off at Quality Street, and had a drink in Mars bar.
He asked her name. "Polo, I'm the one with the hole"
She said with a Wispa.
"I'm Marathon , the one with the nuts" he replied.
He touched her Cream Eggs, which was a Kinder Surprise for her.
Then he slipped his hand into her Snickers, and tickled her Curly Wurly which made her Ripple.
He fondled her Jelly Babies and she liquorished his Tic Tacs.
Soon they were Heart Throbs.
It was a Fab moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight.
But three days later, his Sherbet Dib Dab started to itch.
Turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett and he had Allsorts.

[Major]

[common sense]

Mary had a little lamb, she also had a bear. I've often seen her little lamb, but I'd rather see her bare.



"Mummy, Mummy! Why is daddy running across that field?"
"Shut up and reload!"

[Major]

Mary hd a little lamb twaz full of little frolics, she took it down the garden path and kicked it in the head. Yeah.

[drum]

haha bonk <----- laffin my head off

[Major]

I know more but not in front of ladies.

[drum]

I know more but not in front of ladies.

You remind me of my Dad, everything has a double meaning

[Major]

I know more but not in front of ladies.

You remind me of my Dad, everything has a double meaning

When my old man got buried 400 mourners turned up, mayhem, loads came from Ireland, I knew some of them, great guys.

[common sense]

Used to have a book of The World's Best Dirty Limericks which was hilarious but they were too rude to post here.

[common sense]

Little Boy says to little girl "I'll pay you £10 to climb up the tree".

The little girl says "ok" and climbs the tree.

When the little girl gets home she says all excited "mummy mummy a boy paid me 10 pounds to climb the tree.

Mum says "he just wanted to see your knickers"

The next day the same boy says to the little girl.

"I'll pay you £20 to climb the tree"

The little replies "OK thanks" and climbs the flagpole.

She runs home and says "mummy mummy today the boy paid me £20 for climbing the tree,

"But I tricked him this time. I wasn't wearing any knickers mum."

[common sense]

Mary had a little skirt,
With slits right up the sides,
And every time she crossed her legs,
The lads could see her thighs.

Mary had another skirt,
With a slit right up the front,
She never wore that one.

[common sense]

I offered to become a sperm donor so went to the clinic. They gave me this jar to fill.

Well, I tried. Left hand, right hand, both hands. The cute nurse came in to help; again, left hand, right hand, both hands, nothing. Then she brought in her twin sister, they brought in all the other nurses, and still no luck.

Finally a doctor came in and he managed to get the jar open.

[Major]

mary had a little lamb
she kept in a bucket
every time it tried to get out
the bulldog tried to push it back in

[common sense]

The early 1970s. The Pope is visiting the USA. Several times his pope-mobile is held up by someone attempting to get in. “Elvis, Elvis!!” shouts an old guy, clambering up onto the car. “No, no, my child,” says the Pope, “I am the Holy Father.” They drive on, the same thing happens again; this time an old woman manages to enter the Pope-mobile. “Elvis, Elvis!!” she shouts. “No, no, my child,” says the Pope, “I am the Holy Father.” And he puts her out of the car. Suddenly a beautiful young woman in a low -cut top and mini skirt throws open the car door. “Elvis, Elvis!!” she screams and the Pope goes, “Well, it’s one for the money, two for the show....”

[common sense]

A man his wife and their 6 children are standing at a bus stop waiting for a bus.

The man sees a blind man with a cane walking up to the bus stop.

The bus arrives and the wife and husband notice that the bus is quiet full so the blind man and the husband says to the wife to take the children and get on the bus.

The blind man and the husband tell her that they can walk to their next destination.

So the wife and children get on the bus and the bus drives off.

The husband and the blind man start walking.

The husband is annoyed by the tapping of the blind man's stick, so he says to the old man

"If you would put a rubber on the end of that stick, it wouldn't make so much noise."

The blind man turns to the young man and says,

"If you would have put a rubber on the end of your stick, we would have fit on that bus"