STICKY FOR JOKES

[common sense]

In the Inverness job centre, a man sees a vacancy for a gynaecologist's assistant.
He asks for details and is thrilled to learn that his duties are to prepare the ladies as follows:
1 Remove their underwear.
2 Wash and shave around the ladies' vagina.
3 Rub oil and massage the shaved areas.
Salary is £10,000 a month.
He is told to go to Plymouth.
"Oh why, is that where the job is?" he asks.
The answer comes back, "No, that's where the back of the queue is!!!!"

[common sense]

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.
"You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work.
By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.
"What took you so long to answer?"
"I was in bed."
"What were you doing in bed this late?"
"Getting a second opinion."

[common sense]

I phoned a Chinese restaurant and the man said "Hello I'm Wan King the chef"

I said " No worries ill call back later when you're finished"

[drum]

small lol
that's tragic Chris

[Snookerballs]

Adam and Chris decide to go on a camping holiday in Scotland , they pack up the car with their gear and head off , by the time they hit Scotland they are in the midst of a blizzard , they lose their way in the Snow Storm but come across a large farm house, Adam knocks on the door and is greeted by a very attractive woman , Adam asks could she put them up for the night, the woman replies" I cant let you into the House because I have recently become a widow and it would be bad for my reputation inviting strangers into the house to stay overnight " Adam replies " I understand, we could stay in the barn, leave at first light when the weather is better"
"OK " the woman replies
The pals both settled in the barn and as promised left first thing in the morning and continued their holiday .
Some nine months later Adam receives a letter from a Solicitor in Scotland after reading it he is shocked with the news so goes and sees Chris and asks him"When we stayed in the Barn in Scotland did you get up in the night and visit the Widower"
Chris obviously was embarrassed and red faced that he had been found out " yes" he said "Sorry I did not tell you about it"
Adam then said " and you did not give her your name, but used my name instead "
Chris was even more embarrassed " yes I told her my name was Adam and gave her your address , I am very sorry "
Adam laughed and said " Thats OK the widower has died and left me all her money and the Farmhouse "


Was that the result you were expecting ???

[common sense]

WALLET SCAM WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


In Asda, whilst putting shopping in the car, you may be approached by two fit 20 year old Eastern European girls, in tight tiny tops.

They wash your screen with tits hanging out and ask for a lift to the next shop as payment.

On the way, they strip and fondle each other.

Then one climbs in front and performs a sex act on you while the other nicks your wallet.

I had mine stolen last Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and twice today.

BE CAREFUL GUYS.!!

[common sense]

Adam and Chris decide to go on a camping holiday in Scotland , they pack up the car with their gear and head off , by the time they hit Scotland they are in the midst of a blizzard , they lose their way in the Snow Storm but come across a large farm house, Adam knocks on the door and is greeted by a very attractive woman , Adam asks could she put them up for the night, the woman replies" I cant let you into the House because I have recently become a widow and it would be bad for my reputation inviting strangers into the house to stay overnight " Adam replies " I understand, we could stay in the barn, leave at first light when the weather is better"
"OK " the woman replies
The pals both settled in the barn and as promised left first thing in the morning and continued their holiday .
Some nine months later Adam receives a letter from a Solicitor in Scotland after reading it he is shocked with the news so goes and sees Chris and asks him"When we stayed in the Barn in Scotland did you get up in the night and visit the Widower"
Chris obviously was embarrassed and red faced that he had been found out " yes" he said "Sorry I did not tell you about it"
Adam then said " and you did not give her your name, but used my name instead "
Chris was even more embarrassed " yes I told her my name was Adam and gave her your address , I am very sorry "
Adam laughed and said " Thats OK the widower has died and left me all her money and the Farmhouse "


Was that the result you were expecting ???

PMSL.

[common sense]

Just heard that in the English Channel, a ship carrying red paint has collided with a ship carrying purple paint. It is believed that both crews have been marooned.

[common sense]

A young girl on a clown's shoulder is virgin on the ridiculous.

[Snookerballs]

[Snookerballs]

[drum]

My wife used to be a stunner.
She worked in the abattoir.

[common sense]

Two marble statues of a man and a woman facing each other stand in an old park for centuries.
God looks at them from the above. He feels sorry for them – they're looking at each other all those centuries and yet couldn't do anything more since they're made from marble – so one night, when nobody's around to see, he turns them into living couple.

He says, "Okay. I made you alive and I'm letting you do whatever you've wanted to do all these years – for ten minutes. After that, I'm turning you back to marble statues!"

Delighted, the now alive couple quickly dash to the nearest bushes. Moans and giggling noises can be heard. Ten minutes pass and they come out of the bushes all messy, but also smiling, relieved, and satisfied.
Looking at them all smiling, God feels sorry for them again and says, "Okay, okay, you have another ten minutes!"

As the couple run back towards the bushes, one turns towards the other and says,
"This time YOU're holding the fucking pigeon down and I'm sh*tting on it!"

[common sense]

A man went to the doctor’s and told him, “I feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”

The doctor replied, “Wow, that’s the worst case of parking sons disease I’ve ever seen.”

[common sense]

How does Pinocchio make love?

He gets a girl to sit on his face and he tells her he loves her"


You've to think about that one maybe!