STICKY FOR JOKES

[common sense]

A couple of months ago I hired a guy in a wheelchair who has since become one of my favourite employees.

He has never put a foot wrong.

[common sense]

Banks know everything about you.

I telephoned to get a new password.

The woman asked, "What's your new password?"

I replied, "Penis."

She said it wasn't long enough!

[common sense]

I quit my new job as a postman today.

They gave me my first letter to deliver, I looked down at the address on it and thought: "This isn't for me."

[common sense]

What do you call your mum's angry French sister?

A Cross aunt.

[common sense]

I served Diane Abbott in KFC today"

"How can you be sure it was her?"

"She asked for five Big Macs"

[common sense]

My neighbour advised me to use horse manure on my rhubarb this year.
The kids are spewing everywhere I think they wanted custard with it.

[common sense]

Got my Viagra mixed up with my new sleeping tablets.. Ended up having 40 wanks....

[common sense]

Bloke got home from pub and saw a guy who had come off his bike outside his house. Paramedics were seeing to him so guy said "let me through please" Copper said "why, are you a Dr? No but that's my fucking pizza.

[common sense]

Dear Jim...."Hi My name is May. I play the violin. Could you Fix it for me to meet another fiddler."

[common sense]

My wife and I thought we'd spice things up in the bedroom with a little role play. I asked her what she is into and she explained that she liked a certain someone from the tv. "Masculine, beard, strong, carries a hammer around", she said with a smile and a wink.

Anyone know a fancy dress shop that does Yorkshire Ripper outfits?

[common sense]

This vegan was giving me a lecture of the benefits of water."Too much is bad for you, "I said."Never heard such rubbish in my life, " he snapped at me."OK, "I answered, "didn't do the Titanic and it's passengers much good, did it?"

[Gabby]

CS… I ain’t surprised you’re the only one in this thread with no laughs!!

[common sense]

The Whitehouse have announce that Joe Biden will be in 3 states today...

Unconscious, Semi-Conscious, and Confused.

[common sense]

Watching the recent Yorkshire Ripper dramatization on itv, I was shocked and frankly shaken

At what you could get for a fiver in those days....

[Rolluplostinspace]

A Jewish son tells his father he is moving out. The son returns a year later and tells his father that he has converted to Christianity. The father is upset and calls his friend who is also Jewish. “You won’t believe this, my son David moved out for a year and came back and told me he converted to Christianity.” His friend says, “you won’t believe this...my son Benjamin moved away for a year and when he came back HE converted to Christianity too”! Both upset, they call their rabbi and explain what happened. The rabbi says, “you won’t believe this, my son Joshua moved away and when HE came back he told me he converted to Christianity too”! The rabbi suggests they call God and tell him. The rabbi tells God that all three men had sons who moved away and converted to Christianity and don’t know what to do. God says to them, “you won’t believe this...