STICKY FOR JOKES

[common sense]

Women are the only creatures to defy the laws of gravity.

The heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up.

[common sense]

Don't bother with those Ancestry DNA kits just announce that you've won the lottery, you'll soon find out who you're fucking related to.

[common sense]

I went to the the local library for a book, I asked the lady for a book on Psycho the Rapist, she said, i think its pronounced Psychotherapist.

[common sense]

Today I looked up an old girlfriend from my primary class at school.

That's one great thing about being a gynaecologist .

[common sense]

Two Thai girls asked me if I wanted to sleep with them.

They said it would be like winning the Lottery. To my horror they were right, we had six matching balls.

[common sense]

I'm having regular sex with a blind woman.

The sex is great but it isn't easy getting her husband’s voice right.

[common sense]

Son: Why is my sister called Teresa?
Dad: Coz your mum loves Easter - it's an anagram
Son: Thanks dad
Dad: No problem Alan

[common sense]

My internet was down yesterday so I chatted to my wife for a change, and was surprised to learn that she didn't work for Woolworths anymore

[common sense]

Kate and Gerry Mccann have just found out that she is pregnant again

They've already decided to give it up for abduction.

[common sense]

A young girl from Liverpool wrote to an agony aunt in her local paper, "Dear Deidre I'm a 15 year old girl from Liverpool and I'm still a virgin. Do you think all my four brothers are gay?"

[common sense]

I was being interrogated by a female police officer.

"So, how many rapes have you committed?"

"Eight or nine."

"Which is it?"

"Depends on how long it takes for your backup to arrive."

[common sense]

Little Johnny was getting his first sex education at school. The teacher asked if anyone knew anything about reproduction.

Little Johnny put his hand in the air. Please miss, is it periods?

The teacher replies, "ok Johnny, what do you know about periods?"

Damned if I know said Johnny, but this morning my 12 year old sister said she missed one. Daddy didn't look happy about it, Mommy ran off and the old man next door hung himself.

[common sense]

My son said, "Dad, can I start going ballroom dancing?"

I said, "No, it's too dangerous."

He said, "Why is it?"

I said, "Because I'll break your legs, you fucking little puff."

[common sense]

A man was sitting next to a woman who was trying to breast-feed her child. The child however refuses to suck on the breast.
Being frustrated, the mother threatens the child, "If you don't suck on, I will give it to the man next to us!" The child still refuses to oblige. After about 10 minutes of failed effort to get her child to breastfeed, the woman threatens her child again.
Finally the man clears his throat and says, "Can you make your fucking mind up !!" " I was supposed to get off 6 stops ago!"

[common sense]

A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse," and charged them £50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave. Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?" The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges £90. The Hilton charges £108. We do it here for £50, and I get £43 back from BUPA.