by art0hur0moh » Wed Nov 07, 2018 4:08 pm
Parents divorced when I was 7, it didn't take long for me to realise there was no equality in how I was treated in relation to how my sister was treated. In a rage I enacted a self depreciating act that was nothing less than sexual abuse. I wanted to be treated fairly and for some reason I thought being a girl would make things better. That has nothing to do with the fetish of pegging which is for the most part a sexual activity between consentin adults. There was nothing sexual about me wanting to be female then, and the self depreciation now I don't think I would be to hesitant given a real option to change gender. Multiple orgasm and the entire body an instrument just waiting to be play like a syphony with multiple crescendos in series or with breaks short and long. So fkn jealous and envious I can't help but fall in love. Sad how so many wome are ignorant of their own bodies. when I was 10 or 11 we had after school for children whos parent worked. We at some point thought it a great idea to tie each other up to see who could escape. I was the most proficent at both escaping and stop others from escaping. Weeks went by till someone decided the only way I could be restrained was by seperating my hands and keeping my teeth as far from the ropes as possible. That was the day I learned about vulnerability, trust, teaching, arrogance and humiliation as well as others having less inclination to act in an equal and fair manner. On the front doors of the school on the main road I was trapped. Even after my parents divorced I never felt as vulneradle as I did when everyone left leaving me to sweat it out after I accepted someone learned from my prowes in knot tieing. 5-10 min later I was released. A vastly greater period of time passed in comparison to what I let others experience. I would also mend my own cloths because I didn't like the stich my mum used (Daughter of a seamstress *rolling eyes*). I was already familliar with how thread was spun, only to later discover rope was spun. I do remember experimenting through my pre and early teens after leaving south africa. But it was never sexually related. emotional, some sense of security, a reminant of my childhood? There was a degree of sensuality which was later erotisised soley in fantasy. About 14 I learned about porn visiting a freind who every so often snuck into his parents bedroom returning swinging his mums black mamba through the air, his parents where a bit to open about sexuality with their children (I will elaborate in a section related to sexual abuse). I had a porn stash because another freind couldn't hide his stash in his house, so curiosity got the better of me, soon after I learned about masturbation. To my surprise it wasn't the images that I found arousing, but the words used to advertise phone sex numbers and various other advertisements and reading the stories. On one particular indulgence I read about a traveling sales man who walked into a sex shop. He was intriuged by a device he had never seen. Turns out it was a device that secured his genitalia with a lock. When he arrived home he showed his wife his latest purchase to her bemused amusment (We all know that look : D ). When I was 17 the second job I had. I got to know two gents twice my age one was a fan of Zeplin and Floyd the other a fan of (ach,?) coal miners daughter. I got to borrow a few vids and decided to show my local freinds it after stepping off the bus inebriated. After watching, all my freinds where in shock, the eldest with a smile (not condescending) started giving me pelters for bringing the extream filth into his house which I later learned I need not gave been embarrassed sinc more mature audiences laughed more often about sound track and showmanship. I was never into watching what guys do most of the time, it is more a turn off, in out, in out, yeh yeh I know the theory. relax don't do it, when you want to... But watching what women did for themselves or to each other was : ) at the very least educational. That I remember as the beginning of clitracy and the g spot revolution. Learned that sensuality and patience where most favorable options. Obviously when I first got a pc my searches where related to bondage and bdsm. I had for a long time been interest in 95% of the clothing related to the industry but was rarely over whelmed, mostly tacky ill fitting garments playing into fantasy. Currently I like what His Key is on my nipple has to say. It was also Tom ( Tim) Allans article on Matriarchy that lead me to conclude a house is a Mans domain but a Home is a Womans domain. Quite liked Thumper as well. I haven't invested much time or energy into delving to deep. Whats the point If You have no one to share the novilty with. It is like when I first jumped into bed naked. It was exciting first few weeks, now it is comfortable without the restriction and just feels nice and clean especially if you brought linen off the line that has that sweet airy fragrance to it. Still don't get the whole fantasy thing on blood and mortality which I find is mostly a Female thing? Every so often I read an article on Dream Lover Labs male managment program. If I could have I would have added it to my Queens Keep, no long have it. Where is the fun doing things alone. And I no longer need it any way. Managed to break a disruptive cycle early last year. So in a few ways I am quite chuffed with myself. There has been afew occasions I would read something a woman fantasised about and constructed a story specifically related to the story. Not into using the terms D/s, etc... I do recal a young woman I think on (Alt.com?) down abut not having someone to tell her what to do. So I told her She was to go for a walk down the street taking a step no further for ward than half the distance of her other foot. And to actually do it as everyone should taking a normal step. Land with a flat foot, when rasing foot lift heel and roll off toes. Got an email about a week later thanking me. No quite shure for what though?