STICKY FOR JOKES

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Re: STICKY FOR JOKES

Postby Rolluplostinspace » Thu Apr 15, 2021 11:11 pm

Major wrote:

Different times aye.
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Re: STICKY FOR JOKES

Postby common sense » Mon Apr 19, 2021 10:54 am

Chubby Brown. "bought the wife a new cookery book. She was fucked on page 1 "take a clean pan"

She made a rhubarb pie. It was 3 fucking feet long.
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Re: STICKY FOR JOKES

Postby common sense » Mon Apr 19, 2021 6:40 pm

I saw a girl busking today. She had a great voice, and an even better pair of legs,

Emphasised by the short skirt she was wearing.

Any requests? She asked the watching crowd.

Your thong, I replied with a wink.

Everyone gasped in horror, and the girl slapped me.

It's tough being an Elton John fan with a lisp.
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Re: STICKY FOR JOKES

Postby common sense » Mon Apr 19, 2021 6:42 pm

I’ve been sleeping with this other guy’s wife, he found out and sent me a text the other day that said, “You go near my wife again and ill kill you. mark my words!”

I replied, “8 out of 10. ill needs a capital ‘I' and an apostrophe, and mark needs a capital M”.
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Re: STICKY FOR JOKES

Postby Major » Mon Apr 19, 2021 9:50 pm

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Re: STICKY FOR JOKES

Postby Major » Wed Apr 21, 2021 9:06 pm

A man walks into a clock shop where a beautiful woman is working. He walks to the counter unzips his fly and pulls out his cock. The woman screams "excuse me sir this is a CLOCK SHOP". I know replied the man "I want two hands and a face put on this".
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Re: STICKY FOR JOKES

Postby jra » Thu Apr 22, 2021 5:35 am

A pack of dogs has escaped from an enclosure.
The police are still looking for leads.

Jason Statham has allegedly been accused of being LGBT and drinking beer, hence the movie Transporter.
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Re: STICKY FOR JOKES

Postby common sense » Thu Apr 22, 2021 6:08 pm

Major wrote:A man walks into a clock shop where a beautiful woman is working. He walks to the counter unzips his fly and pulls out his cock. The woman screams "excuse me sir this is a CLOCK SHOP". I know replied the man "I want two hands and a face put on this".



:pmsl:
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Re: STICKY FOR JOKES

Postby jra » Tue Apr 27, 2021 4:43 am

For the price of a condom (costing well under £7) you can avoid another seven pounds.

:thumbsup:
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Re: STICKY FOR JOKES

Postby Major » Tue Apr 27, 2021 11:01 am

A scouser is doing a ton when a cos stop him, the cop notices the man punching the dog in the mouth, he tells man to stop punching dog, the man says if he had done to you what he has done to me then you would do the same, the cop asks what the dog has done, the man replied

IT HAS JUST EATEN MY TAX DISC.
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Re: STICKY FOR JOKES

Postby drum » Tue Apr 27, 2021 11:03 am

Major wrote:A scouser is doing a ton when a cos stop him, the cop notices the man punching the dog in the mouth, he tells man to stop punching dog, the man says if he had done to you what he has done to me then you would do the same, the cop asks what the dog has done, the man replied

IT HAS JUST EATEN MY TAX DISC.



jokes dead Major, we no longer have tax discs :pmsl:

I miss tax disks.
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Re: STICKY FOR JOKES

Postby Rolluplostinspace » Tue Apr 27, 2021 2:37 pm

Matt Hancock was doing an annual visit to a hospital. As always, he was looking for something to beat the NHS with to show how badly run and loss making things were there.
Hancock checked all the books and then did his tour. While on the tour he turned to the ward manager and said, "I notice you buy and use a lot of bandages. What do you do with the plastic middle out of the roll?" "Good question", noted the ward manager, "we save them up and send them back to Johnson and Johnson and every once in a while, they send us a free bandage roll. We like recycle whenever possible." "Oh" he said somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went in his tour to the next ward. "What about all these coloured casts you dispense. They seem to be rather a waste of money?"
"Ah, yes", replied the ward manager realizing that Hancock was trying to trap her, "we ask that any patient wishing a coloured cast donates £1 which is far in excess of the 10p the colouring actually costs". Hancock was determined to fluster the ward manager. So on they went to the next ward. "Well, what do you do with all the remains from the circumcision surgeries?" "Here too we do not like wasting", said the manager.
"What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the government in London and about once a year, at this exact time, they send us a complete prick".
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Re: STICKY FOR JOKES

Postby Major » Tue Apr 27, 2021 3:01 pm

Did matron let you out to especially scribe such Rolle??

Old one but still makes me smile.
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Re: STICKY FOR JOKES

Postby common sense » Thu Apr 29, 2021 11:07 pm

"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."
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Re: STICKY FOR JOKES

Postby common sense » Fri Apr 30, 2021 9:41 pm

Went to the Dr. today and he said I should stop wanking. I said "why, is it harmful Doc" He said "no but am trying to take your blood pressure" :pmsl:
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